The sun rises, slowly. It’s the morning of November 1st and you find yourself sprawled out on your best friend’s dorm room carpet in your ever-so skimpy calico cat costume with pieces of candy corn stuck in your vodka-infused hair.
You think, “I LOVE college. I LOVE Halloween. Last night was SO awesome and I can’t wait to do it again, because, after all, Halloween is a weekend-long extravaganza.”
Yes, those were the days. Halloween in college. Where festive parties weren’t spontaneous, they were ritual. Where a costume wasn’t a tiara, it was a princess gown. And where Halloween wasn’t a day, it was an era.
As we transition out of college and into the real world, we reminisce with ghosts of Halloween past and desperately wish we could re-create that same type of Halloween spirit, post-college graduation. However, college is dead, buried, and decayed and we realize that October 31st is also not as quite as alive as it used to be.
Here are 15 of the most frightening ways that Halloween has changed, post-college graduation:
1. RIP Halloweekend. The four-night fashion show of slut-styled costumes and circus-like partying has ceased existence. Now, we approach Halloween in the singular form and are lucky if we survive even one night of festivities with our newly low tolerance for alcohol and our highly prone mentality for exhaustion.
2. Couples costumes are the new black. Yes, the Blair and Serena friendship episode has turned into the Blair and Chuck romance show. Cool. Brb while I find myself a boyfriend to dress up with me.
3. Your costume is a prop, not a movie scene. I’m wearing a pirate hat – I’m a pirate. Not, I’m wearing a pirate hat; I’m wearing authentic pirate rags, and every time I make an entrance, the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song plays on repeat behind me.
4. Question of the day: Are you even dressing up? If by dressing up, you mean red lipstick and cat-eyed eyeliner, than yes.
5. You’re lucky if you even put a pumpkin out as a decoration. The most decorative I’m getting with the amount of free time I have is drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. #PSL
6. Hello Halloween hangover! Danger, stay away, PROCEED WITH CAUTION – cauldrons of mixed drinks and shots of gummy worms are more toxic (and stronger) than they appear.
7. House parties have re-located to the local bar. *Enter bar* Half of the people are dressed up and the other half look at you like you’re celebrating Christmas in July… Did I do something wrong?
8. Halloween planning is done last minute and not weeks in advance. Don’t ask me what I’m being/wearing/doing because Halloween plans will be made the day of, just like when planning for any other night out… Are we even going out?
9. You’ve contemplated staying in because, let’s be real, it’s just another night out. Suddenly, watching American Horror Story on re-run while eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and handing out candy to the occasional child at your door is overwhelmingly appealing.
10. The office doesn’t stop for a holiday not on the calendar. You mean, I don’t get the day off, get to eat candy in the office, bob for apples on lunch break, OR get to dress up like in class? Is there still a thanksgiving?
11. You wonder, what’s face make up, anyway? Because nobody has time for that.
12. Group costumes are a mere pastime. Gilmore girls, spice girls, mean girls, let’s take photos of ALL the girls so we can get at least one decently filtered group Instagram photo for the night. Now, you’re lucky if you can even get two friends to meet up in the same zip code.
13. The weather is actually apparent. You suddenly care about the below freezing temperatures outside and dress appropriately, even if it means doing the unimaginable and wearing a jacket over your costume because a jacket is better than frostbite, realistically.
14. You’re in bed by midnight. Well, that lasted long. *Zzz emoji*
15. By November 1st, you start thinking of alternate options for the following year. #OverIt.