To the boy who came into my life unannounced,
I’ve watched you from a distance but never once had the courage to speak a word. I’ve listened to whispers of your tale from many beings than were never you. I learned about your little stunts you would pull off in school and your heart breaks from the one who hurt you in the first place. I learned of your bittersweet memories from the friends you thought were true but never once your sorrows for no one ever speaks of the pain. I’ve seen you, heard you, felt you but never really met you, until life decided it was time to change that.
To the boy who told me I was different,
What a cliché thing to say to a girl associated with many, but my ears never get tired of hearing those words a thousand times, no matter who they come from. You learned I was the girl who hated coffee and pizzas. The girl who never understood what pleasure other girls found in receiving flowers from boys who could never offer anything more. I was the girl who always got sick of people telling me how much I was worth, because I knew my worth and didn’t need anyone else to evaluate it. And unlike other girls, I never needed you there for me. I am different. I know, but somehow you saying it made all the difference.
To the boy who nearly earned my trust,
I’m difficult. I don’t trust easy, and somehow that only made you want to try harder. But I’ll let you in on a little secret; I don’t trust the people who I have known the longest. I don’t trust people who don’t tell others what I told them—if I wanted to keep a secret, I’d only keep it to myself. I trust people awake at 4 AM crying their eyes out. The people who are fed up of things constantly not going their way, furious over how life is always standing in their way. And then burst into tears over the smallest of things because they have reached their breaking point. They are the people who understand me. They are the people who understand what it is like to be me. They are the people I trust.
To the boy who said he’d always be there for me,
Don’t. I told you to leave. I told you to walk away. I told you I didn’t need you. But you were stubborn. Stubborn and strong enough to see me through all of my resistances. I fought you as much as I could, as long as I could but I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. You begged me to tell you what was wrong and being dependent on someone begun to feel a lot more comfortable than I wished it did. Now I can no longer stand on both my feet because my heart remembers you holding me up, even with the burden of the world hauling me down.
To the boy who left me in the end,
You were the boy who came into my life unannounced, the boy who told me I was different, the boy who nearly earned my trust and the boy who said he’d always be there for me. I always knew you’d leave because all good things much come to an end and you were the most amazing thing to even happen to me. I don’t blame you for walking away. I saw it coming from a mile away but you can never really prepare yourself for the pain heartbreak brings. But all I want to say to you is thank you. Because when you’re seventeen everything feels like the end of the world. But when you’re seventeen, you don’t get happy endings. You get new beginnings, and mine is just about to begin.