Sometimes you grow out of love, and that’s okay.
At least, that’s what I keep trying to tell myself anyway.
Growing out of love is like growing out of an old pair of your favorite shoes, only more painful, more heart breaking, and more soul crushing than you could ever imagine. I can’t exactly explain what it feels like, as there was no pinpoint moment in my relationship that made it happen. Instead, it was a slow burn. It was like a flame that slowly stopped burning over time. A flame that once lit up my insides and flickered through my eyes every time I saw you. A flame that once danced fiercely in the wind and instantly brightened up a dark room. But now, somewhere over the last four years, that flame has dimmed.
I am no longer that same girl I was four years ago. As I’ve grown up, I’ve grown out of our love. I’ve grown out of the way I would jump into your arms every time I saw you. I’ve grown out of the way I would kiss you goodnight every night without fail. I’ve grown out of the way I would say I love you first before I hung up the phone. I’ve grown out of the way I would be so excited to see you and tell you all about my day. I’ve grown out of the way I missed you after having not seen you for a couple of days. I’ve grown out of the way I would get excited as we made plans for our future.
You see, they always tell you how easy it is to fall in love. But no one ever tells you how hard it is when you’re falling out of it. It’s so hard to look at someone you love, knowing that you love them in a different kind of way now. It’s so hard knowing that the love they give you is not the same kind of love you’re giving them in return. It’s so hard to fall asleep next to someone and instead wish that you were falling asleep alone. It’s so hard to not feel guilty every time you say “I love you” or every time you make a promise about the future. It’s so hard to tell you that I’m growing out of love with you.
Life would be so easy if we were able to stay in love with one person forever. And maybe some people are lucky enough to experience that. But for the rest of us, love will come and love will go. Some people will come into your life for a reason—to teach you a lesson, to help you move on, to inspire you, to lead you in the right direction, to give you an opportunity you wouldn’t have had otherwise, to help you grow. And some of those people will stay, and some of those people will go.