For All The Girls Who Have Been Called ‘Crazy’ Just Because They Care

Matheus Ferrero

The last thing I ever want to be called is crazy. It’s something I tell myself when I feel on the edge and I’m ready to act irrationally.

I DO NOT like acting out of character. There’s a person I want to be and it bothers me when my actions don’t line up with that. Positive, loving, etc. But it’s been a challenge. People push you and it seems the more they know where the buttons are, the more they press them. Love is an irrational emotion so our reactions are often less than rational.

But as women I see us throw the word around a lot. Sometimes we hate being called crazy, sometimes we call ourselves crazy, or even if we don’t explicitly state “I’m crazy” we will laugh and giggle at the things that perpetuate that stereotype.

At the end of the day, just like denial, the crazy card is a defense mechanism for us.

There are two main types of “Crazy Girls/ Girlfriends”

1. The ones that are unable to manage emotions and resort to acting out, because they don’t know better

2. And the ones trying to intimidate good behavior out of their significant other

At the end of the day what’s it all for? You can’t intimidate someone into being who YOU want them to be so all you end up doing is spreading negative energy.

I saw a meme that said “idk how guys cheat knowing their girl is crazy as hell”

Well that’s because you can’t intimidate someone into loving you. You can’t scare someone into acting right. You can check all the text messages you want and have all the passcodes in the world and there still won’t be a guarantee.

Honestly, we need to learn how to step away from people like this, let them grow in peace. Stop keying their cars and severing their ties with other girls. They aren’t trying to hurt you (unless you’re dealing with a sociopath) but it’s not your place to enlist them in relationship boot camp. LET THEM GROW.

“There will be a lover that comes to you with patience, who carries you with ease.” — Allison Malee

That’s what we all need. Peace, love, patience. Someone that will handle with care. Someone we don’t have to parent. THAT’S THE GOAL. The day I have to warn and intimidate my partner is the day I don’t have a relationship. I don’t want to have to yell and throw things and expose my significant others dirty laundry on social media to have my love reciprocated.

My love is given freely; I want to receive love in the same way.

Passive aggressive behavior, playing the crazy card, manipulation, these are all things that take us farther away from the lives we are meant to live. It works for some people, they’ll boast about “Having their s/o on lock” or that “They know better” meaning their s/o knows not to try them, but don’t you want someone to respect you rather than fear you?

Know your standards.

I NEED a partner that handles me with care and respect. I don’t have the desire to force someone to do that. To tell them how they should talk to other women, how they can show their respect for me. What’s appropriate, what’s not. My ideals won’t align with everyone’s but I’m confident the person I end up with will “get it”. They won’t want just a basic looks good from the outside, dying on the inside type of relationship. They want something that will last, that will persevere over time; you don’t get that when you continue looking outside of your relationship for things.

And maybe your relationship didn’t start this way. Perhaps at first it was “easy”. You didn’t have to tell your significant other what to do and what not to do, you just seemed to want the same things. And then things changed, it got harder. You found yourself trying to hold on, trying to get them to see that the connection was rare and worth keeping, and you struggled and struggled to pull them back, each time changing your tactics.

You tried doing more, and doing less. Being kind, being more attentive, pulling back. Talking more, talking less, pretending to trust, silent treatment, each time getting more and more frustrated.

Eventually you want to know what the problem is, who the problem is. Who infiltrated the bond that you foolishly believed would last forever? You start wondering where to look, where to find the answers to the questions that begin forming in your mind but there is a bigger issue than what shows on the surface. Life is tricky and we all go through changes, why your significant other went from wanting to build to wanting to be nonchalant can be complex. It can be some characteristics they saw in you to make them apprehensive, or where they saw their life going.  The answers won’t come from following your significant other around and spying on them or finding a way to trap them.

It is unfortunate and inconvenient sometimes when we go through these growth spurts and challenges but it’s life. One day my finances align with the lifestyle I want to live, another day I’m frustrated and I see that I need to do more. One day I’m completely content with who I am as a person and where I am, another day it all feels wrong. One day we may want to settle down, the next we think of all the things we still have to do. It takes a lot out of a person to love you the same on their good days and bad, and we aren’t all equipped to do it.

One day, you’ll find a person that wants to weather the storm with you.

Until then you will get entangled with different people. People that will be attracted to you for one thing, and eventually lose attraction based on that very thing. Perhaps they enjoyed your commonalities at first and then doubt crept in and told them they need something different. Perhaps they’ll be inspired by your passion and one day decide they want someone less passionate.

But there will be someone that loves every little detail about you. They will understand that there will be people who are different than you and that won’t make them wonder, it’ll just remind them there is only one YOU.

Love is magical and transformative. So if love makes you apprehensive, you may not be doing it right. It’s up to YOU to know better and to want better for yourself. You don’t ever have to interrogate your significant other; they should want you to have clarity. You can’t have eyes everywhere they go so it is up to them to protect and honor your relationship. If they don’t what good does being “crazy” do? Is it more important to be with someone rather than wait for the right one?

We understand people need time to grow yet sometimes we choose not to give it to them. Instead we try to parent them. Our partner isn’t at a stage where they value monogamy, rather than let them find their way we try to convince and MAKE them value the same things. It won’t work, and each time you let yourself get more and more frustrated and worked up.

What you do will always reflect on your own character. Being “crazy” only takes away from your own character, not theirs.

Maybe they lied and cheated and hurt you, but if you were good to them, it’s their loss. I think we need to remind ourselves of that. How you love is a reflection of what’s inside of you, how they love is a reflection of what’s inside of them. You don’t have to force love out of someone to prove you are worthy, figure that out already and stop looking for clues in others.

Someone who values you won’t make you worry or wonder, they won’t make you “crazy,” strive for that. Leave behind the people that make you want to post quotes passive aggressively, and stalk their likes on social media. Forget the people that don’t remind you that you are one of a kind and someone worth holding on to.

What do you have to lose? Someone who doesn’t love you? Would you rather lose yourself?

In most cases you’ll find, you were correct. Your gut was warning you correctly but it isn’t a clue to act. It is a clue to protect yourself and your well-being and perhaps walk-away.

Not bully
Not scare
Not intimidate
Not make yourself look foolish by contacting random people your s/o may or may not be involved with (it just looks bad on your part, ESPECIALLY if you’re wrong)
Not making fake social media accounts for stalking purposes

But, to walk away, to choose yourself and your well-being.

You’re trying so hard to prove you’re the one but is that really what your actions prove? No ones going to force you to buy a Ferrari. They won’t drop the prices for  you or continuously place it in your driveway although you can’t make the payments. If you can’t afford a Ferrari, you can’t have one, and you should think of your love the same. If I’m everything you would ever need I’m not going to act “crazy” to prove it. You have the opportunity to love me or leave me alone. Stop stepping out of character for others.

You’ll never catch me trashing property or blasting others, what’s meant for me will always be for me, and what isn’t I pray I’m protected from. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer, Blogger, Photographer, Artist, Teacher and lover of life hoping to leave a dent in history.

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