It was rough, that day, that week, that whole month you decided that we should stop being us. I was devastated for so long. I couldn’t grasp everything completely. I couldn’t think straight during class time, I couldn’t be myself with my friends no matter how hard they tried to cheer me up. I was completely broken. I didn’t know what to do and it didn’t seem to sink in. Pretending to be the cheerful girl I am didn’t seem to work out for me – not this time. Memories of the days when we were happy together kept entering my head and I couldn’t seem to erase them from my thoughts. Every time they popped up, my heart felt as if huge dumbbells were dropped on it, my stomach started feeling like it was knotting up, and I felt bad all over again. Getting through this was so hard, and I can undoubtedly say that you left a scar on my heart.
Although things didn’t end the way I wished they would, I’m still glad there was a time I could call you mine. I would say it was some of the best months in my life so far. Listening to how your day went and being able to tell you what happened during mine already made me feel more than elated. Whenever you would ask if we could simply talk or go out, I’d get all excited and stop whatever I was doing to just to talk to you.
I was always shy in public, whether it was through social media, or anywhere with other humans in general. For the longest time, I thought you were okay with that, but I learned you weren’t. I adjusted to what made you happy because that’s what made me happy. That’s where everything started to fall apart. I adjusted too much that I never got to tell you that I noticed things were changing. Like a wound that keeps on growing no matter what you do, the change kept getting bigger and bigger, and every time I tried to fix it with you, it would only be temporary, and every time I tried to do something about it, we’d end up getting hurt.
That’s when you realized it was time to end everything. I saw it coming but I never hoped for it to.
It’s such a thought. The person we thought we’d be spending our forever with – gone. There was so much on our bucket list, but I guess they’ll have to stay uncompleted. There were still so many things I wanted to ask you about, like what your worst nightmare was or why red was your favorite color or any other small thing about you – but I guess those questions will have to remain unanswered.
Sometimes, the fact that you’re gone hurts, but I still thank Him for giving us a chance to be together – at least at that point in our lives.
You see, I believe in the saying “It’s all part of His plan.” It’s helped me get through so many situations. May it be problems related to school, to friends, family, or may it be related to triumphs in everyday situations. I believe that God put us together to be both a blessing and a lesson. I watched you grow as a person, and while that happened, I know that I did too, and that was thanks to you. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I am thankful for all the lessons you’ve taught me, whether it made me happy, or it hurt me.
I still don’t know why all this happened, but I still trust in His plan, for both me and you.
Thanks to this, I learned that I can be even stronger than I ever was. I guess this was part of His plan, too. Thank you for being a lesson. I’m thankful for everything we’ve done together and to each other.
Even if I know what you told others, even if I know that I did my best but it wasn’t good enough for you, even if I’ll always wish we’d be able to talk like we did before, even if I feel as if you didn’t consider how I felt, even if you made me feel like I’m not worth fighting for –
I will always love you for who you are, even if you broke my heart.