A verse from The Smiths’ How Soon is Now? perfectly articulates my sentiments that “I was human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does.”
So far, this is what I learned as I was looking for a long-term relationship through dating apps:
1. Never fall for those pseudo long-distance or non-existent relationships that go nowhere! Don’t invest your time talking to people who chat you up from different places around the world, which is not where you are from. Why don’t they just talk to someone who is geographically closer? Or continue to message people who don’t want to meet you in person. Seriously, dudes. Go waste someone else’s time.
2. Learn how to flirt. Don’t say just “Hi” and nothing else. Take a few minutes and read the person’s profile you are interested in and at least (aghast!) have a little conversation; doing so builds attraction.
3. Be patient. Don’t expect too much from the people you are going on dates with. You are just “feeling” each other out. Dating is about exploration not some fast food joint where you get what you want as soon as you order instantly.
4. Keep your options open until you find someone you want to be in a relationship with; so have fun going on dates and getting to know different people before you get into an exclusive relationship.
5. Be open-minded. Sometimes, it is good to go on a date with someone who isn’t your “type”. Someone you are not usually attracted to. For those other times, chalk them up as learning experiences.
6. Always try to be honest and open about your intentions on what you are looking. If you only want a relationship or if you are looking to get married, say so. We are grownups after all. Also, a dating site/app is not the place where you make “friends”. Geez, who are you trying to kid? If you want to makes friends, look elsewhere instead of trying to justify your excuses of keeping your options open. Cowards and shady fucks to the left please.
7. Be wary. Certain men already have girlfriends like serious, exclusive relationships with their girlfriends. Or, they are a married. Ugh, creeps. But, that won’t stop them from looking at your profile, liking it, and messaging you when they know you are monogamous. Don’t entertain these fools. Is love and romance dead or what? (Rhetorical, no one has to answer that).
8. Don’t date a checklist! Keep in mind ladies, men are human beings too. Who cares how tall he is? If he has a college/university degree or not? Or, how much money he exactly makes? What brands of clothing and shoes he wears? What kind of car he drives? Instead look for someone who you are compatible with in personality/temperament, values, communication, religion/beliefs, interests/activities, how you spend money, family, et cetera that you are also attracted to of course!
9. If someone rejects you, move on. You can spend hours thinking about why they don’t like you. However, if you didn’t already get the message, clearly he or she doesn’t want to be with you. Why bother trying to woo someone who doesn’t make the effort to be in your life? If they are playing hard to get? Um, carry on unless that is your cup of tea. No judgement here. If they are playing mind games. Don’t bother with this one too. They are not mature enough to be in a relationship with. May I suggest running away?
10. Don’t date someone where you know the interest/feelings are not mutual. Unrequited or one-sided love is agony. Ouch. If this happens, take a break from dating. And, have yourself some “me” time until you ready to date again.
11. When you are finally in a relationship with a real human being, don’t worry. Our insecurities tend to get the better of us and at times, we sabotage ourselves by putting them onto our significant others. Do be positive even if things don’t go how you expect or if things don’t work out. That’s life. It’s messy and all together damned short. We are meant to experience the good stuff now with people we truly care about.
Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your boyfriend/girlfriend. Enjoy your relationship.