To The Person Who I’ve Lost

When do we know that it’s enough? That it’s time to stop?

How could we know if he doesn’t care anymore or that he’s just scared or needs more time?

I’m tired of waiting – I really am.

It’s been months that I’ve been continuously trying to talk to you. I’ve messaged you so many times and I’m starting to feel as if I’m just being used.

I don’t know if I’m being understanding or being a total fool of myself.

I love you, I care, I will admit that. But I will not wait here and look stupid waiting if there’s nothing to wait for.

I know I hurt you and I’m sorry for that, I know I made a lot of mistakes and I know that it seems like I used you. But no matter what you believe, I will tell you this. I didn’t use you, not a single day did I ever think that you we’re an object only to praise me when I’m insecure. You’re more than that, more than anything honestly, more than my best friends.

But it doesn’t matter anymore, no reasons or explanations or honest truths could change of what you ‘thought’ why I lied to you.

I lied to you – yes, I knew that.

I lied to you because you thought I was using you, an object to praise me and make me feel better, someone to control.

But you weren’t – you weren’t.
You were my best friend, my soulmate.
You were the person I held on to when no one understood me.
You were the person I feel in love with, the personality that I loved.
You were the one who told me the truths.
You were the one who opened my eyes to different point of views.
You were the person that I loved so much even if we haven’t met in real life and just fell in love with the sent pictures of each other.

I loved you for who you were. To your friends and all your drunk adventures, I loved all of that.

I lied to you because I felt that physical attraction was a prerequisite to being in love, I didn’t want to make you feel as if you weren’t worth loving, that you were ugly. because you are not, I loved you, your character, your jokes and how you were my crying shoulder in a place where I was misunderstood.

I’m so stupid to think that physical attraction is an immediate need to loving you, to doubting my love because of it. I realized I did love you, and always will. Young might we seem but you will be the most memorable person in my life. Nothing will ever change that.

Even if you don’t talk to me anymore.