I wanted you to believe me when I told you we’ll get there. I wished you were confident enough to let me move at my own pace. I did not want you to doubt at any point, how much I care about you and how badly I want to be with you. You only had to trust me. You only needed to stay and watch me take my careful steps as I move closer to where we were supposed to be heading, together.
I prayed for your patience. I asked Him to spare me a little more time as I am preparing myself to be right for you. I prayed that the universe will allow me to hold your hand as I try to discover everything this life has to offer. I wanted to know I have you when I fall, when I rise up from mistakes, when I am torn between difficult choices, when I am overwhelmed by struggles. I was not trying to put all the weight on you. I only wished for my strength to stick around during the course of the challenge. I wish you knew how strong I can be because of you.
I believed you were worth the wait. You were worth the years of questions, doubts and fears. Confusion was never an issue when I knew you were the one. I was sure of you. The uncertainties vanished the moment you held me close. I only wished you were as confident in me as I am in you. I wanted you to have faith in me.
I know I needed to grow. There are still a lot of things to learn in this life. A quarter isn’t enough to gain all the wisdom necessary to live every day at its fullest. I had to try many different things first in my own free will. I needed to live, explore and be out there. But I never wanted to do all those without you. I was trying to discover myself and this world while letting you live the life you had before me, the life you were working hard for. Living is not leaving. I prayed for us to achieve all our dreams knowing we have each other. I wanted for us to get to where we are meant to be.
I wanted days of waking up beside you. Rolling under the sheets reaching for your hand. I wanted summers with you. Walking by the beach under the bright sky. I wanted rainy days with you. Both of us sipping coffee from our cups. I wanted cool nights with you. The feel of cold air touching our faces. I actually made plans for us which you never knew. I wanted to do a lot of things only with you.
I wished for you.
I wanted you.
I fell in love with you.
My heart knew what it wanted but it cannot change the past. It can only hope for the future to be what it has been praying for.