I was a test for your patience. The way I won’t let anyone force me into doing things I am not ready for was confusing for you. I was a bit stubborn. You wanted me to be alongside you all the time, but I can’t. I must admit, I am not as confident as you are. Sometimes, I get left behind. Sometimes, I choose to just stay behind you. Not because I am trying to play hard to get but because that’s what feels right for me, that’s what works for me. I told you I’d stick with you, but that doesn’t mean I’d physically be with you whenever we wanted. Some days, I get scared and some days I just get immature. You had to be the bigger person most of the time. You had to stretch out your arms and more so your patience so you could embrace my inappropriate attitude.
You had to wait for me. There were times one would have to pause for the other and there were times one would need to run to keep up with the other. We had to understand each other’s pace. I am taking small slow steps and yours are bold and swift. Nonetheless, we’re both moving forward. We both wanted to be on the same journey, to reach the same destination but we had been put to a stop.
You had to experience a break so you will learn to slow down a bit. You had to notice that sometimes you were being too hard on yourself. I know you have goals to work for, but you must work for memories too. Your value for time is admirable that is why I wanted to make each second of us together as incomparable as possible. I wanted moments to linger.
It had to be clear that we can never agree on everything. Sometimes, what’s right for you is unacceptable to me. That some significant things for me are somehow unnecessary for you. We had to listen to each other’s points and respect that none of us wins or loses. We just had to let it all out. Make it all part of the process. Allow it all to make our love grow. And then realize that the best kiss and make-ups happen right after deep arguments.
I had to be the unexpected turn in your fully mapped out world. I had to be the plan that didn’t work out the way it was supposed to. I had to let myself fall when you were almost giving up so you would have to come up with an abrupt decision. So that you’ll know that no matter how much you thought you have mastered the art of controlling your emotions, sometimes you just can’t. It will unravel the most unfiltered parts of you. It will finally let you be you. And it did. You had to see that some things not going your way can be an opportunity to reflect and refresh.
I loved you in ways I never prepared myself to. I craved for your raw passion and letting things end made a deep cut I can never guarantee of disappearing. I thought removing myself from your perfectly painted picture would help both of us. I had to grow up and go through tough times on my own. I know you’ve been there and you would understand the independence this transformation painstakingly demands. I had to be on my own. I had to stand alone regardless of how much I wanted you to be with me.
I had to hurt myself too. Especially when I had to place myself far behind your current priorities to give you the space to move better and advance faster. Honestly, I had to wait for you too. I needed to understand why some days you can’t be there. I had to respect your timeline for things and how you have a schedule for everything. I had to be patient too. Sometimes when you get a little overwhelmed with your tasks, you tend to blurt out your frustrations to me. I had to be all ears on your rants and be extra warm so we don’t end up walking away.
You had to be the first person I wanted for the rest of my life. And you had to be the greatest force to push me out of my comfort zone and into the world. Yet, you also had to be the one I needed to let go of.
We had to meet each other to be able to trust that in this life, when the time is right, when we are completely ready to devote ourselves, we will find the love we were put here for.