Tonight I Realized I Have Finally Had Enough

null
Karol Smoczynski / Unsplash

Tonight, I have decided to let my heart rest. I assume I have dedicated enough time for waiting and for wanting to make things happen. I think I have given my fair share of energy for staying inside this bubble. At last, I can now stop counting days. I can now quit wondering when former feelings can be brought back to the surface. I can now refrain from remembering moments with you only because I don’t want to forget even the most unnoticeable details in them. Finally, I am exhausted.

It took me this long to accept an end. I spent months feeding myself with optimism to pacify the hurt on why I had to go through this phase. I had to make up believable and somewhat logical excuses just so I can continue daydreaming about us. I have been so good with manipulating my thoughts that I was able to convince myself that things will return to the way they used to be. Fortunately, time presented itself as a friend. It has been generous to allow me to weep, to question, to wonder, to imagine and, now, to feel. It was not selfish to neglect my need for a process. I have had an ample amount of time to enjoy my false beliefs. I have had sufficient time to appreciate the waiting game. Now is the time to release all the expectations I have and just accept that I don’t want this anymore. I am not waiting for anything or anyone anymore. I am done.

This is not me being rude and egotistic. This is me wanting to redirect the love I have to those worthy of it. This is me finally acting on the change you have been telling me to embrace. This is all of me letting go of the future I wanted, with the past that never wanted me. This is me, and this is the present.

Now is the chance to free up the space you’ve taken in my life, to declutter and delete every photo, every message, every familiar place, every lingering taste, every memory – basically everything about you.

Allow me to thank you for helping me grow as a person. Thank you for helping me realize that my patience can be my greatest strength. You’re not a nightmare that needs to be forgotten. It’s just that, I want to get out of this dream I’ve been in for a long time. I realized it is never going to continue and become my reality.

So, tonight is going to be the first night I’ll let my heart take its much-needed rest – without worries, without assumptions, without you.

For my heart needs to heal and prepare itself for more exciting tomorrows. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

Does struggling with your skin condition feel like being stuck in a toxic relationship?

Coping with a skin condition like Hidradenitis Suppurativa can wreak havoc on your life, much like toxic relationships. It can be obsessive, affect your sleep, performance, and family. It can feel like a draining internal and external battle.

Understand the Patterns
Tonight I Realized I Have Finally Had Enough is cataloged in , , , ,