How did we lose each other?
We did not take the time to know our ways and what affects each other’s moods. We had no idea what makes each other scared, or happy, or lonely, or insecure, or satisfied. We just kind of went through each day together getting surprised with how random things suddenly piss us off or make us shiver with excitement. We did not realize the importance of building the basics before reaching the next level. We rushed to this erratic situation with our intense feelings, thinking that somehow we will be able to make it work. We both wanted affection in its most complicated form. The more we neglected the need to give it time do dig deeper and allow it to grow, the more we were losing our chance to make it last.
We badly wanted each other. We were sure we were happy with what we had and it felt consuming. Attraction overpowered us. We wanted to own each other, but we were not ready to fully submit ourselves and commit to the relationship. We did not notice, and we may not admit until now, but we lacked faith in one another.
Maybe we were never friends. Right from the beginning, we knew we admired each other. We hurriedly focused on the start of something special. I am not sure if that was a good thing, because we never learned each other’s blueprint prior to getting attached. The way we used to look at each other was enough to let us drown in overflowing emotions. We were strangers diving into the abyss of uncertainty. Maybe we were brave to do so. Maybe it made our hearts race that we did not mind sharing ourselves with someone we only knew by the surface.
We were going after our strongest desires that we took one important need for granted – depth. We did not notice where we were standing. We were holding onto a relationship planted on a shallow land under the brightest sun. No matter how much light it receives, it still won’t be able to grow as resilient and enduring if it can’t rely on its ground. Once the storm comes, it will undeniably lose its grip without the strength of its roots.
We were devastated.
What actually ruined us was not the number of storms we had to go through. We were not able to survive because we cannot find a bold reason to not let go. We chose to be intertwined without working on what will keep us together in the long run. We failed to save for what’s beneath and beyond. We only looked at what was in front of us.
What we had was strong – strength coming from what seemed to be that of endless passion and admiration. We were both magnetized. It made us feel inseparable. We were wrong. What we really needed was a solid source, from where we will find justifications to get closer and keep us from breaking. Maybe we saw this coming, but we craved more of a connection than a steady foundation.
Maybe it was easier to lose us than to keep us.