As soon as you come into this world, you are tied to being someone’s child, someone’s grandchild, someone’s cousin, someone’s sibling, someone’s niece or nephew and the list goes on. Your identity is fixed before you even see the world and decide for yourself whether you would like living here or not. As you grow older more identities are fixed to this list; someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend, someone’s father or mother, someone’s aunt or uncle, this never ends! So where is the time to be just you?
In this whole rigmarole of who or what you are to somebody else, don’t lose sight of who you are to yourself. You were born to not just belong to a place or to people but to be the best version of what you can be. Don’t get tied down by relationships or get so involved in others lives that you forget to live your own. Oh the wonderful feeling of saying “I did that by myself!” – nothing, absolutely nothing beats that. Spend time on yourself to become better, do things that make you happy, make some ‘me time’ and for the love of everything that is holy don’t get lost in what others tell you to be or do.
A relationship is meant to make you stronger individually together not to make one better than the other or make both individuals equally horrible. Be with someone who brings the best out of you, who understands your worth and knows that you on your own can move mountains if you want to. Don’t waste your time getting engulfed in what they like, what they prefer, what they want you to be. ‘They’ can say whatever ‘they’ want to but you know and I know that ‘they’ can’t decide for you. You are your own person, always remember that.
In the hope of pleasing everyone, we get caught up in what we have to do and what we want to do. This eternal battle between wants and needs is one which all of us will fight till the very end. You need to make that choice of who comes first in your life, who should you love more – them or yourself. But here is the predicament – if I choose them then I become a push-over and if I choose myself then I become selfish – strange but here again we end up sticking identities of a different kind to ourselves!
In the end I hope you lived as you were meant to, made your own decisions and chose what you wanted to do, because I certainly will do just that. Trying to make everyone happy at the same time isn’t going to work thanks to our differing attitudes and behaviours but trying to make ourselves happy is definitely in our hands.