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Recollections of a Pick Up Artist

I once achieved intercourse after, midway through a make-out session, seizing a mandolin and jiving about the room, whilst hooting like an ape. When the girl’s expression transitioned from confusion to anger, I allowed a stream of saliva to drip from my contorted face, and, winking, shouted: “Now you’ve made out with the evil mandolin monkey man!”

A Suicide in the Reddit Community

There are probably thousands of “power users” on Reddit––users who have submitted, voted and commented tens of thousands of times and have been active on the site for years. These users are actually people, which some critics of Reddit might not believe, given the nastiness of some of the comments they post.

I Went to a WNBA Game

Both my friends commented on how “shitty” and unimpressive Madison Square Garden is on the inside. The seats are teal and magenta. Everything else is concrete. I read somewhere that the concession stands routinely perform poorly on health inspections.

Leonard Bernstein: Six Quotes

Leonard Bernstein (1918-1990), conductor, composer, author and pianist, was one of the very few American musical talents to achieve and maintain an international reputation.  Most often associated with the New York Philharmonic, where he served as music director from 1957 to 1969, Bernstein enjoyed a close professional relationship with both the Vienna Philharmonic and the Israel Philharmonic.

The Music and Its Memory

The aesthetics of suburban alienation in popular/alt music have long since been employed by The Smiths, Radiohead, Green Day, to just name a few—for that is what every kid wants: to feel alone (from their parents) yet somehow part of something larger (a culture). Short of a better generic phrase, “Rock & Roll” is essentially a romantic movement.

TC Month In Review: August

This month at Thought Catalog, we cataloged a lot of thought. Jimmy Chen cataloged thoughts about Old Spice, bird shit, online dating, and porn. Shawn Vandor cataloged a recollection of his vacation to Mallorca, a small Mediterranean island, located to the southeast of Spain. Andrew James Weatherhead cataloged the four times he saw people have seizures.

A History of Human Stampedes

Someone directed me to the Wikipedia entry for “stampede” the other day. I read crazy things there—stampedes that caused the suffocation of over 4,000 people, weird instances of mass hysteria, a link between consumerism and human herd-like behavior. This article explains and catalogs, to a somewhat limited extent, human stampeding and mass hysteria. Overall, the phenomena mostly seem bleak, as these behaviors allow us to witness, generally, people losing control of their minds.

All the Video Game Consoles I’ve Ever Owned in Chronological Order, Pt. 3 of 4

Most people will say ‘The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the bestZelda’, possibly they will say it was ‘the best video game of all time.’ Those people are totally entry-level or confused by nostalgia. A Link to the Past is the best Zelda, and the best video game of all time [being pretty ‘objective’, using general standards & not my ‘personal faves’] is probably Castlevania Symphony of the Night or Super Metroid.

Gluten-Free America: A Taste Test

People who abstain from gluten have reported improvements in their joints, sleep, skin, digestion, general energy level and weight. But for these people and the approximately 1 in 100 U.S. citizens who has celiac disease, sticking to the diet is challenging, since many of the options are either expensive, full of fat, or taste like chalk.

Life Seems Bleak

Forbes reported on Sunday that in the very near future there may be unmarked white government vans that drive around cities taking pictures with technology that sees through walls and cars and peoples’ clothes…

Ten Works of Art I Really Like

I may be an art fag now, but I wasn’t always so cultured (British accent). My earliest memories of going to museums all involve me being bored off my ass, constantly ready for lunch, in the museum but not there.

Mad Men’s Betty Draper Is A Real Bummer

But Betty’s logic is so limited in scope that the only conclusion she seems capable of coming to is that if it’s not one man, it must be another. In other words, Betty is a woman who might quite adamantly argue that all fish necessarily need bicycles. She just has it all wrong.

How To Fix The Emmys

The Emmys have a problem. Well actually, they have a bunch of problems: long, boring, out of touch with what people are actually watching…but none of that is new. The TV awards’ most recent problem is cable – and more specifically, everything on cable being too damn good. Let me explain…

The Week’s Internet Shit Talking in Review: August 27, 2010

Welcome to a new column on TC—The Week’s Internet Shit Talking in Review. Here, I’ll catalog, analyze and speculate on the small- and large-scale shit talking that’s one of the hallmark phenomena of the internet. Today’s column includes shit talking from the ranks of Facebook, HTMLGIANT, Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Gawker, Salon.com, 4chan and more.

Did Marrying Tom Cruise Hurt Katie Holmes’s Career?

And what about the famous women — past and present — in Tom Cruise’s life? Nicole Kidman is a fine actress, one of the best, but would she have spent more years on the outskirts of stardom, like her best friend Naomi Watts, if she hadn’t become Mrs. Cruise in 1990?

An Ida Lupino Primer

Ida Lupino’s on-screen career stretched from early’-30s ingénue roles in her native England to a 1977 Charlie’s Angels guest shot, so it’s inevitable that MOMA’s retrospective of her films (which begins today) is selective, even leaving out some defining performances (High Sierra, Out of the Fog) from her noir-centric 1940s peak at Warner Bros.

Gore Vidal: 12 Quotes

Gore Vidal (1925 –   ) author, essayist, playwright, and political activist, has long been a celebrity on the American scene.  Son of a West Point graduate who distinguished himself in the Army and an actress, Vidal attended Philips Exeter before enlisting in the Army during World War II.

The Chainsmokers: Party People

The Chainsmokers are Rhett Bixler (born, 1987) and Alex Pall (1985). They went to New York University, where Rhett studied journalism and Alex art. Now, the duo regularly spins parties at all the premium venues in New York City and The Hamptons – venues like Tenjune, Kiss and Fly, Mr. West, Marquee, Dune, Georgica, and Eldridge.

La Petite Dick

A face is a most honest thing. I’ve become accustomed to “The German”: mouth agape, the hint of a deep smile, eyes closed in pure abandonment. Happiness, or at least its notion, can be cruel.

All the Video Game Consoles I’ve Ever Owned in Chronological Order, Pt. 2 of 4

Feel like Sonic is probably living off of royalties in a really humble apartment somewhere routinely dressing in 1980s-style exercise clothes [primary-colored gym shorts with ‘piping’, matching wristband and sweatband set] despite being inactive; he eats bran flakes in his kitchen and reads the paper, smokes cigarillos guiltily, is surly at articles about Mario’s success.

“Fuck You” is our “Tears of a Clown”

It’s a simple sentiment: “Fuck you.” Perfect in brevity and poignant as a bootheel on a bare foot, it can be replaced by nothing else when one’s intended sentiment is a slap to the mind, a provocation of violence or the rearrangement of facial features.

All The Boyfriends I’ve Ever Had in Chronological Order, Pt. 1 of 4

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with him once we were “going out.” I had never thought that far about it and I was scared shitless. The minute I realized I had to talk to him, the exciting feeling I had went away. It was like poof, instead of turning into a pumpkin at midnight, I just turned back into a regular girl with underdeveloped hormones who loved candy and stickers, not boys.

Hannah Höch: Picture Book

A synthesis of various media, concepts, and styles, the movement’s visual art and poetry deconstructed the elements of sound, language, form, color, and movement and stitched them back together in new ways to create objects and texts that followed the laws of child’s play—that is, laws by which any meaning is possible and none is required.

I Like Antiques Roadshow A Lot

Antiques Roadshow is a program aired by Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) in which we watch a touring group of antiques appraisers stop in major cities across the United States and determine the value of antiques that locals bring to the tour.

Justin Bieber Gets Slow

Something amazing happens when you slow down a Justin Bieber song by 800%, as musician Nick Pittsinger found out by plugging Bieber’s song “U Smile” into a free program called Paulstretch.

Forty Three And The November Coming Fire

When George W. Bush discovered thecobrasnake.com it was an epiphany. He had never seen anything like it. Who were all these people? What were they doing? What kind of clothes were they wearing? Most importantly, why were they so happy? He surmised they must all be on drugs.

Blake Lively Persists

As Lively grows up, appearances at events like the Teen Choice Awards have been replaced by front-row appearances at couture fashion shows and garden parties celebrating the magicianship of Valentino. She is often photographed smooshed affectionately up against Anna Wintour, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, who has put her on the cover of the magazine twice and plans to do so again by the end of the year.

All I Want is Time to Enjoy this Life… (IV)

When we get home, things are no better. Both husband and wife must work now: more more more more. So both are exhausted and dehydrated from their day. The kids are wiped out from being abused at school — made to sit in chairs and memorize nonsense. It is not a pleasant scene.

Italian Vogue: Water & Oil

What I love about the spread is the audacity to take on something as recent and immediate as the oil spill, and to keep it ugly. American Vogue, for instance, would never, not ever, anywhere, anytime, do an editorial like this. It’s risky. It provokes controversy, and if there’s one thing American Vogue doesn’t like, it’s controversy.

Reticence and Riches: On OkCupid and Income

Recently single again, I started an OkCupid account out of a mixture of hope and despair, the latter towards which I’m slowly ambling. The income array looks like a highly pixilated image zoomed in at 1400%. Squint at it long enough and it begins to resemble, well, nothing.

C.E. Morgan’s Forceful Fiction

C.E. Morgan may be the least talked about author on the New Yorker’s new “20 Under 40” list, but her work is instantly recognizable as that of a gifted young writer who deserves every accolade she gets––and then some.

3-Year-Old Recites Billy Collins Poem From Memory

The latest adorable toddler to make it big on YouTube transforms one of the most nerverwracking school assignments, poetry recitation, into a beautiful performance, though he may have doomed himself to a life of ridiculously high expectations––from both his mother and his fans.

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