With a little practice, eventually it’s like using a telescope to reveal a distant galaxy. It’s the same trick novelists employ. And way back in the day, Aristotle famously said, “action reveals character.” That’s true for fiction and just as true in the stranger world of reality.
2. You lost me at “My ex-girlfriend”
Reality: I need you to tell me that the awful, obnoxious way I was behaving was actually funny/cute/endearing.
It’s a time when people can still hold onto each other like moss on a particularly sturdy rock, but they always feel the current of life in general pulling at them to do something more.
You’re FREAKING out — or maybe you’re not because you are off to some grad/law/certificate/school and if so, you’re not freaking out yet.
I get it. I’m hot. Can we move on?
The scientific law about giving people your number, however, is that (A) they will always have a girlfriend, (B) they will not call you, and (C) you will see them everywhere – apparating casually onto sidewalks, reading the newspaper on the bus and in every grocery store aisle buying cereal, even if it isn’t a cereal aisle.
Some people think that having sex to music is weird, but it’s not if you play the right songs!
People compile sky-high lists about the benefits of travelling, and many of them are true. New experiences. Different perspectives. You should GET OUT WHILE YOU’RE YOUNG, they’ll tell you. GO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE.
I feel more and more that our culture is conditioning us to expect, no — demand a perfect romantic or sexual partner for ourselves. It’s easy to forget that finding someone you truly want to be with isn’t a matter finding someone who is perfect or flawless, but finding someone who you actually grow to love their flaws.
Oh, yeah, of course I know that you were at that party I wasn’t invited to last weekend… I spent a full 45 minutes looking at the pictures one by one as they appeared on my news feed, becoming increasingly indignant and self-conscious as the clock ticked by.
8. Our perception of “home” becomes all mangled.
Blind people seem to develop super powers with their other senses.
There is a world beyond this world; beneath it, above it.
I don’t know why I keep going out on dates because I really don’t even want a boyfriend (unless it’s you, Lukas and then “HI.”).
For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel so alone.
1. The Old Lady With Dogs.
‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’ arrived like a breath of fresh air, radiating wit and charm.
We went down to the garden of love, and saw what we had never seen.
“Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas?”
8. Get a restraining order.
I can, and have literally gone around a bar taking drinks from guys: paying with nothing but an enchanting smile — because I can.
The harsh reality is that very few relationships are truly equal.
7. He told you that he was looking for someone who would stay at home and ensure that dinner was made at 7:22 P.M on the dot every day. You weren’t down with that.
And even more tragically, all of the things that we are able to appreciate about the lives of others, because we might not have them ourselves, are the things that are most easy to take for granted.
Apparently we did not fear–or somehow failed to recognize–the profound damage that his theories could do to our peculiar form of government and culture.
One time I was so lonely I wrote an ad in Craigslist telling people I had psychic powers.
In my first month of being sober, I took all of the money I had saved not going to bars and I put it towards my first and only tattoo. It’s on my thigh, in a place that even the skimpiest of shorts and skirts would cover so that only I and a select few would ever see it. It says “Jesus is my only drinking partner.”
Our last conversation has been on repeat for the last five and a half days.
Something strange happened. I played through the first two hours feeling like I had not made a single good decision. I told my wife, semi-jokingly saying, “This game feels like life.” Aviva defaults into a sturdy hatred for all games, no matter their configuration, but my reaction intrigued her. As I progressed through the dystopic Georgian nightmare, Aviva watched. She was drawn in. The game transcended its gameness for both of us.
Making fun of people will be so fun. Consult: chicken dance.
I was in class when I heard you died.
Kevin looks almost nothing like the photo he sent me; I did not recognize him. He has the mannerisms of Mark Zuckerberg circa the mogul’s portrayal in The Social Network. Worse still, he is actually a high school senior.
I ended up “developing” early, or so it seemed. When you’re a fat kid, people always think you’re developing boobs, even if you’re a boy.
When I moved to Ireland, someone told me if you want to buy drugs you just have to go down to the river Liffey and look for someone in a jumpsuit.
The decision to leave a home can take years to make. In expensive cities, a decent apartment can feel like a foothold on a cliff; losing it might send you plummeting. Rocks, seaweed, a broken body. Fish will feed on you.
These recommendations are for the weekend: Friday May 3, 2013 thru Sunday May 5, 2013.
You’ve never been the one to let go first.
Your 30-something is probably going through way more than they will ever tell you about, for a number of reasons.
There are some of you who might be wondering what the value of your education is. You still might be in school. You still might be trying to figure out what it is you’re going to do with your life.
A few weeks ago, my acupuncturist told me I had to stop drinking Diet Coke.
…And it’ll make a Belieber out of you.
Is it necessary to come out to everyone?
This show has faults, but these are still characters I want to spend time with. That’s enough to give us another season.
A little push today turns into a big life tomorrow.
This one goes out to all of the boys who have ever called me, or any other girl they’ve chased, crazy.
Why do you ask me questions that you could ask Google?
3. You simply just hate everyone.
I had never met a person with a fetish for shrinking women before.
I thought about doing something more logistically manageable, like, just going to the movies. I thought about not watching the movie.