I, like most of you, greeted this news this morning with an actual sadness. These two people seemed so perfect together, so much like each other, and something I could understand.
If you type “sin” into my Gmail search bar, the list of archived emails that come up are almost entirely from my dad.
It’s not like I want to kidnap you and take you over to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get some monogrammed hand towels for our new beach house (though I kind of do).
You have a real job? Well, so do I. But I go to the bathroom. Why is it strange if I call you from there?
John Tyler did some serious work in the White House — and I’m not talking about the 1844 Treaty of Wanghia — he fathered 15 children with two different women in his 71 years on this planet.
I have seen the title “needy” be applied to so many different women for so many different reasons (including myself, at more than one point), that it has begun to seem the punishment given for the crime of wanting to be loved.
A film that give us a look at Vegas as most of us have never seen it — and the boots that are fit for the job.
Have you ever seen just one red grape hanging out alone in the park reading a book? When’s the last time you heard of a single grape signing up for an Outward Bound solo? Never, the answer is never.
Is it our responsibility to reward “good guys” for being good?
Lurking in the backdrop, capable of abruptly appearing when we least expect it, attacking aggressively before we have time to think – slicing our hearts, and even haunting our dreams.
Clinton could do any number of things last night, and Obama’s team hadn’t seen his speech, and he was getting up there to talk about a person with whom he had a strained relationship, on the big stage, in front of everyone…
When you were a kid, there was such a thing as “cooties”, which basically just meant that someone was being physically affectionate with you. Clandestine smooches on the playground, a playful rub on the neck: these things were considered to gross behavior. As you get older though, one can never have enough cooties!
For the next two years, anyone who blacked out was declared to be “boot spittin’ drunk,” in my honor.
Is Bret Eason Ellis an American Dickhead, or is he just being funny? What about his claims that Foster Wallace was a fraud? DFW was deeply concerned about authenticity — is BEE even accusing him of anything he hasn’t already accused of himself?
We hugged briefly. It was not a sexy hug. I was trembling violently but not from uncontrollable passion so much as from guzzling a giant mug of instant coffee.
This insane monster is perfectly likable during business hours, but give him a few shots of tequila and he starts acting like someone slipped PCP in his Patron.
Maybe I would’ve felt differently about sex if I cared about most of the people I was with. I tried, I tried, and I tried to muster up some feelings that resembled love—these were all good men, not one-night-stands— but the more I tried, the worse I felt and was certain that I was broken somehow
Part of the reason that Robsten doesn’t matter to me, however, is that I am not a young woman today, and I’m glad that I’m not.
Since the dawn of portable speakers, music has played an integral role in setting the mood for sexyfuntimes, proving as useful as candles, massage oil, and fuzzy pink handcuffs.
Ah, yes. I see the beefy “Broyfriend” has caught your eye. He’s an older model, really peaked in sales around 2006 but still very popular. He comes with a red Solo cup, which is of course re-fillable.
The entire House of Dior abstains from voting due to the fact that they are currently attending a secret loft party.
Who allows ten messages to go unanswered — a month of silence to stretch on — and still be excited when the other person finally decides to respond? I did.
Everyone I know looks like an uglier version of some celebrity.
Now, I know what you’re thinking — didn’t Shakespeare die in like the 17th century? Well, apparently not. Dude e-mails me all the time with NFL wagers and fantasy football tips.
There’s a certain sense of guilt associated with dragging children into a strange house to look through the belongings of people who are most likely dead, infirmed, or in some state of personal or financial distress.
The bartenders were the oldest people in the place. It was a wood themed bar. Maybe all of them are when we are passed out or not paying attention.
Listen to this on the way to a trashy party in Allston. Ride the T to the Harvard Avenue stop with a bottle of gin in your purse, but still stop at Blanchard’s before you head over. Pass a group of rowdy girls headed to Model Cafe. Pass a bunch of bros bummed The Kells closed. Pass someone puking.
His page is flooded with inspirational quotes, uploaded in .jpeg format. I don’t feel inspired.
The Kinsey Institute wants to hear your weird, effed up, tragic or out-there sex stories.
If you can’t find someone to go home with on your birthday, when can you?! It should be a law that someone has to sleep with you on your birthday. Let’s start a charity!
Lucky us! We all get to awkwardly move around this couple like a school of drunk fish avoiding a shark while they play out their melodramatic Romeo + Juliet film-student adaptation.
Where are my friends from January 2000? How many romantic partners would be shadows in the background, only to disappear in later photos? Why is my hair so long now? What have I been doing for 12 years?
I started referring to schoolmates using the “n word,” to assure that my blackness be solidified. Unfortunately it was the second most unnatural sounding word out of my mouth, directly behind “aight,” (an alternate pronunciation of the word “alright”).
I don’t know The Hills from The Hills Have Eyes, nor if Jennifer Aniston is ovulating. I’m told there’s a girl on Glee in a wheelchair and that “The Situation” is an orange person, but that’s about it.
One only has to look at the kind of response women get when they say they don’t want to have children to understand the degree to which these life choices are not entirely choices anymore.
It had been during that 11-hour car ride, Pooh thought to himself as he spied the river off in the distance, when he realized he had to kill Piglet.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Buzz Cuts – By J.K. Rowling
There are so many expressions which reiterate the importance of indulging every now and then: “all work and no play,” “early to rise and early bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead,” and my all-time-favorite, “treat yo self!”
As for extremely jealous, controlling situations — those typically aren’t going to end well, so walking (or even briskly jogging) away isn’t necessarily a bad idea.
This, of course, ignores the pervasive problem of people — even in otherwise loving relationships — being pressured into things that they do not feel comfortable doing.
Sometimes opposites attract and sometimes… they’re just opposite. It’s okay! It’s no one’s fault. Chemistry is hard to come by. There’s a reason why so many people fail it in high school.
Christopher Plummer gets caught in the rain with a footstool.
At that point in my life, I’d never seen an episode of Doctor Who. But I was active on the internet. I’d seen .gifs and stills on Tumblr and boy, his long, distinguished face is unmistakable.
For a long time I’ve dreamed of a world where everything could be taken care of via text. Whether it’s scheduling a doctor’s appointment, managing job responsibilities, or ordering late-night delivery, I wish I could send a text for whatever I needed, receive a personalized confirmation, and not be bothered anymore.
Anyone else hear “Edge of Seventeen” and immediately start with, “Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this?” while everyone else stares at you with judgement eyes? Nope. Me neither.
The thing about gossip is, no matter how much you enjoy it in the moment (and we all kind of have our ugly moments of saying something nasty about someone that we wouldn’t say to their faces), you know it is probably happening behind your back, too.
So I punished you. I started fights with no purpose, cheated with no regret, and nitpicked until you hated to be around me. In turn, you lashed out or cried or panicked. And I took it. And you took it. And deep inside, we both hurt.
And when my friends tell me “Man, I wish we could just go back there. Life was so much better back in high school, you know?” it pisses me off. Because they are falling for the oldest trick in the American book.
I don’t want to “like” everything, don’t want to go to business school, don’t want to go to the new restaurant in Williamsburg where they bake olive oil shortbread daily, on the premises.