In the morning as I had my cup of coffee, I was wowed over by the beauty of words, as I have posted previously.
We are all well aware of the many bedroom errors that Man is guilty of committing in the sack, and I frequently like to use these to my advantage and post them all over the internet, for comic value.
This guy is very obvious from the beginning.
The idea that words cannot always say everything has been written about extensively.
That you are not the summation of your comparisons to other people.
Love does not conquer all. If you spend too much of your twenties hating yourself, if you fail to learn the art of self-preservation, you will begin to break. It’s that simple.
Proof that joie de vivre doesn’t die out as you age!
I am a woman, and it is my God-given right to wear fake hair, fake nails and get a spray tan or two if I damn well feel like it.
A barometer I live by is, “Am I being treated as well as Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen would be if they were in this situation?” If the answer is no, then I throw a fit until I am.
Unwhatever.me lets you turn wedding pictures into cute pictures of dogs or cats, something interesting like art, or just gratuitous pictures of bacon.
Make it known that you love to ravage every inch of her body and keep your hyper critical and non-constructive comments to yourself.
As rallying cries go, “Artista, Erotica, Utopia!” is among the more ludicrous, especially for an underground pop-up strip club, where eager young women perform awkward erotic dance routines for a members-only crowd of well-off young gentlemen.
Eleven years ago we got the Weapons of Mass Destruction scare. As a result, we invaded Iraq, needlessly, and thousands of Americans died fighting a war that no one but they and their families had to pay for on a daily basis. Taxes went down, not up. No one had to pay anything. The worst part is that it was all built on scare tactics that Republicans and Democrats alike went right along with. Now I see we’re replaying that film.
You’re going to need to have a big brain and if it’s not in terms of content then it should be in terms of zeal and curiosity.
14. Leave your whole wallet at home. Don’t even bring your debit card — you don’t need it!
I was talking about genres of literature to my 3rd graders and I said something along the lines of, “Fantasy is something made up or that couldn’t happen, like Santa Claus.”
Like most of my dreams ever night of my life, a world teeming with anarchy and trench warfare figured prominently.
You walk into the recruiter office and eyeball those posters of soldiers with stern faces of quiet dignity and confidence, you lack both.
College tuition in the United States from 2011-2012 was an unprecedented $31,395.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
We sacrifice our own blood.
Any good detective will tell you that criminals who are guilty can’t help but return to the scene of the crime; neither can we.
When he’d forget to pick me up from school and I’d intuitively know he was getting another DUI.
It’s darker than any Jodi Piccoult book I’ve read.
I smiled at the officer, due to both my excitement to be home and my general rule of thumb to smile at strangers who could potentially ruin your life.
I use my journalistic techniques to discover the essence of the girls’ personalities in just ten minutes.
4. She knows the proper way to eat Ranch Dressing.
Find a girl with a vocabulary. Find a girl that knows metaphor. Find a girl that tells you what you want to hear in a way you’ve never heard it before.
And although Bob Saget isn’t an insult comic, I still get insulted when people call him a comic.
I climbed these mountains with your words on my back.
Ain’t no shame, though.
16. On that note, common sense isn’t that common. You will understand this when you are forced to train new employees.
I am extremely attracted to one of my supervisors at school that I met last semester.
My mother is the only reason I exist, and aside from the obvious reasons, she is the reason I get out of bed in the morning.
These assumptions are like ghost-written social expectations that emphasize the idea that relationships are meant to have one dominant masculine force and one dominant feminine force.
There’s no place safer than the city streets.
I always knew he’d had a temper. One time my brother got a bad grade and Dad locked him out of the house.
My first encounter with introverts was at the age of 14. Sure, I may have encountered them before but was probably too caught up in my world to notice them.
Honestly, take a nap.
No, your eyes do not deceive you, that is indeed a CARDIGAN DRESS.
Who doesn’t have a blog now and who doesn’t want to appear to have rich, fulfilling life to transcribe to others?
Loud is sometimes good but quiet is never bad.
6. Never make me escort a fragile moron.
Not all of us can be Ryan Gosling. We have qualities that need fine-tuning or adjusting. To ignore them is to do ourselves a disservice.
I knew there was something wrong with him when he didn’t go down on me.
Introverts can be difficult to know – because we often require a little more work that the average bear.
Shortly after you graduate college, you’ll want to get away.
Whist backpacking in Nepal I accidentally attended a Nepalese wedding.
I’m glad you didn’t ask why.
Do you remember the first time we kissed? I do, we were in your faded Volvo and you still had braces on your upper teeth.