Have you had this feeling in your life before? Who is he? What’s her name?
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
I remember feeling kind of dirty and liking it.
That’s the whole point of brunch… so you get drunk in the morning. I just call that morning.
Do not actually do anything that makes it seem like you’re hitting on them.
Did you know that a kiss can be 10 times more effective than morphine in reducing pain?
If ‘Gravity’ isn’t perfection, I’ll take what I can get.
Having a Cleveland Indians logo is like having a “New York Jews” or “San Francisco Chinamen,” mascots that would be blatantly offensive. I shudder to think what the equivalencies for gays or black people would be.
Journaling is the only activity for me to concentrate on my own private thoughts. It has helped me be a conversationalist and voracious reader. It is an outlet that is powerful and liberating.
I used to think about that one time…
You all know the feeling I’m talking about—the familiar rise of anxiety in your chest when you login to your most cherished form of social media, the compulsion of checking your Facebook account 20+ times a day.
Girls in the arts tend to have a loose attitude toward sex, especially if their “art” involves “expressing themselves” with their body.
The first one to make a joke about a “slutty [insert boring item] costume” loses—the ability to make good jokes right before they make that joke.
Like the ‘Runner Runner’ poster suggests, Justin Timberlake needs to know when to walk away.
People say that visiting and living in New York City are very different things. I’ve found that they are exactly the same and that’s why it is a bad place to live.
You’ve dreamt about it since you were a young girl. You imagined what it would be like when it was finally your turn to be the one picking apples amongst a vivid autumnal backdrop…
Sometimes I think they’ve all been the same, my lovers, versions of each other, which is cruel, because they would hate to stand in a lineup and be found indistinguishable from one another.
Pour yourself a beer, sit back, and take it in.
What does your fridge say about you?
I have to come clean about an addiction that has overtaken my life. A high so good I can’t match it with anything else. One that’s drained my bank account worse than cigarettes, gambling or heroin ever (hypothetically) did.
“How to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.”
“I just spent an hour lying on my bed watching Jimmy Fallon videos and licking grated carrot out of a bowl.”
I give up already.
…and maybe that’s the ultimate plight of women – that compromise always comes at someone’s expense, and it’s usually ours.
You can trust that I invigorate myself and try my very hardest to appreciate my own work, as I fully understand no one will do that for me.
I’d formed this bond with this wall, and on that late afternoon the wall and I were suddenly and perfectly alone together.
I’m not trying to compare myself to those guys, but my favorite tweets (and my favorite authors) manage to combine aspects of the eternal and the mundane in ways that seem new and fresh and remind me of my own limitations and ways I (and humans in general) can try to overcome them.
Today is probably a bit annoying. Make it less annoying.
No matter what time of day it is, autocorrect makes you perpetually sound like a drunken idiot — and possibly a sex criminal.
I don’t feel guilty while I nod as you tell me you want to marry me and have a daughter with a nose exactly like mine. I hate my nose and I never plan to get married but I don’t tell you that, because I am busy thinking of him and how I deserved to hear all this piece of crap from him.
That practically nobody in this world acually knows what they are doing.
Good grades are hard to get. Traditionally, it means spending countless hours hitting the books in an isolated library cubicle.
Here is what I learned: maybe I cannot be fixed.
Somewhat surprisingly, the job most commonly associated with work in the nuclear field is amongst the least common jobs at power plants.
I don’t understand chance or why strangers in the dark can change everything. There is something about graffiti hidden in a dive bar.
I’ve been trying to get back into the healthy-food-for-fuel attitude, but it’s difficult when quinoa takes 15 minutes to cook and the bag of potato chips is right there.
“Can we have a Congressional standoff that results in a suspension of scholarly essays about Miley Cyrus?” – Dave Holmes
When she died I was in my dorm room, a 12-hour-flight away and with absolutely no money to just get a ticket and go be with my family.
You can sleep as spread eagled as you like, you can go months without waxing and you don’t have any obligation to contact anyone all the time. You can just do you whenever and however you want.
You are just slightly less paranoid about getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant because I mean, at least you have a job and a degree? Stable relationship? What?
Our imaginations wondered free and far and we did discover the frontiers there. 1,2,3,4,5…
Every morning during my early years of high school I would board the big yellow bus as it approached my development
This is why I can’t have nice things.
Of the many adjectives that exist, alluring, sexy, seductive or elusive are some that I am not often branded with.
Initially, I was ecstatic; an extremely influential editor liked me!
It’s hard to decide which is the most impressive. I’m kind of hesitating between Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and Kevin Spacey.
What was planned to be a quick explanation as to why I would have to miss class the following day turned into a sudden reality check for me.
I don’t like the word “gifted.”
It all started with the fact that my best friend was an alcoholic.
The show is about three people who pretend that they are not doing and being things that ultimately define them.