F*ckboys have become a serious nationwide epidemic – possibly even worldwide. No, seriously. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the movie Outbreak; only instead of a disease killing red blood cells, it’s just killing off the hope that Mr. Right still exists. The worst part is there is no formula to counter it. Unfortunately, it’s really all about timing and mentality. You can hook up with someone on the first date or hold out until the eighth one, and even if you have the most mind-blowing chemistry with them, it’s not going to happen if they aren’t ready – even if they do really like you.
Because of this, it’s difficult to resist becoming cynical about relationships or allowing your guard to come down with each new person. It can cause you to doubt your self-worth and consider settling for less. But once you realize the power is actually in your hands, you’ll start to view these experiences in a new light. In fact, we can learn a lot about ourselves and gain a lot of positive lessons from these types of interactions.
1. They save you from baggage.
No need to check any extra bags with these boys. One common thing amongst f*ckboys is that they are gone before they’ve even unpacked. Even though it sucks, especially once you really begin liking them and think the feeling is mutual, he’s actually doing you a massive favor.
As common as fuckboy behavior is, and as confident as these guys may seem, it is not a reflection of a healthy individual.
Whether it’s a lack of maturity, deeply rooted insecurities from their childhood or shattered trust from past relationships, there’s a reason these guys act like this. Though most of us would happily throw our backs out helping them carry their load, their burden would end up giving us more of a workout than we deserve (we already have the gym for that).
2. They develop your boundaries.
If you are like me, you’ve been told you are too nice. Please know that this isn’t a bad thing, so don’t let yourself change just because someone takes advantage of it (the right guy will treasure this quality); however, “nice girls” do have a tendency to tolerate too much BS. Women have a tendency to excuse negative behaviors because they don’t want to come across as difficult or crazy.
But there is nothing wrong with having standards, despite what these guys say. In fact, after a few f*ckboy encounters, you’ll start to pick up on the signs sooner. This will enable you to establish your boundaries early on…or get out before you waste more time! No worries, if you struggle with figuring this out right away. It takes time!
3. They teach you to be kind to yourself.
Some of these boys are good – like, Casanova smooth with gilded words that slide from their tongues and masks of sincerity – they can sweep you off your feet and into their trap. When they leave, it’s natural to question ourselves or think there’s something wrong with us. And there might be. But more likely than not, you’ve encountered a guy who was looking for a challenge and a conquest to boost his ego.
Recognizing this may not ease the sting initially, but it will help you recover faster and allow you to grow in your confidence. You begin to understand their behavior spurs from a place they are in, and not necessarily something you’ve done wrong. It’s just another lesson to add to your collection.
4. They help you realize what you actually want.
We tend to get wrapped up in why they didn’t want us, when we really should evaluate the traits we did and didn’t like about them. Though he may have seemed like the perfect guy, typically we overlook some of their unfavorable characteristics (it could be something superficial like his weird ears or matchstick legs or a marring character flaw like insensitivity).
For example, you may have met a guy who made you feel beautiful and kept you in constant laughing fits, but he was also disorganized and unreliable. Or maybe he was driven and charming, but he lacked spontaneity and was egotistical. Obviously, you need to be gracious and understand that the future person is only human, but you now have a more specific idea of the type of man who will be compatible with you and your needs.
5. They give you new experiences.
Just because it didn’t work out with a guy, doesn’t mean it has to be a negative experience. Each encounter with a f*ckboy is an opportunity to grow.
I recently went on a date with one – this boy was charming, sweet, intelligent, driven and seemed genuine. Unfortunately, he didn’t last long (…like, past the first date), but he did leave imprint of a valuable lesson. During the dinner, we discussed our careers, and he told me how he got his finance job at Merrill Lynch in New York City. He explained that he had applied to over a hundred jobs and didn’t hear back from any of them, so he took an alternative route and his persistency paid off. I found this very inspiring and helped me reevaluate my mindset. So, even when it doesn’t work out (as much of a bummer as it is), it doesn’t mean that it was a waste of your time. Sometimes people are brought into our lives to inspire us in some way, or vice versa.
6. They are uniting women.
Women everywhere are getting tired of men’s laziness, lack of sincerity and respect. From what I’ve observed over the past few years is more unification amongst women. Women have stopped depending on men for compliments (because they’re rarely genuine or deep) and have become more generous in complimenting and encouraging one another. We’ve started to realize that we aren’t competing against each other and that united, we are so much stronger.
7. They make room so the right guy actually has a chance.
Men are just as insecure as we are – they’ve just grown up with a society telling them that vulnerability is weakness. It has shown them that the way to be a “real man” is to collect women like bottle caps, trading in the most for the biggest ego boost. It’s honestly quite sad.
That being said, there are some ridiculously amazing men out there! We should thank the f*ckboys we encounter because not only do they teach us life lessons and help us understand more about ourselves, but they also enable the right guy to meet us. As long as we don’t allow ourselves to become bitter from these experiences, we are just one step closer to finding our perfect match.