I promise I don’t love you. Cross my heart I don’t. It’s just that in the twelve hours and thirty six minutes since we last spoke I haven’t been able to think of much besides you. It’s too soon to have any serious conversation about what this is or where this is going. The only question I have you answered in my driveway, “Am I ever going to see you again?”
You said of course. Why wouldn’t we? But that’s not the response I was hoping for. I wanted something with volition, something that I could hold on to. I just wanted a lifejacket in this sea of dating ambiguity. I wanted something like “I would love to see you again” or “Maybe (insert day of the week here)?” But all I got was a throwaway phrase usually reserved for acquaintances. Which I guess technically I still am.
I’m not sure of much right now. I am in-between schools, unemployed, back home with my mom and completely adrift. I’m not on the hunt for a husband or even a boyfriend. I just want someone to be get lost with for a while. The obnoxious boy I shared a zip code with for the first eighteen years of my life seemed like a good choice. The mustang didn’t hurt either.
We don’t have to go out. We can spend the summer cruising I-75 with Ben Rector in the background. You don’t have to take me out and impress me with your tales of excitement since you made it out of our nowhere town. Just when you’re here, be here. Be here totally and completely. And don’t leave me hanging. If you’re going to be busy for the next week tell me. If you want to text me in the middle of the day instead of during the eleven o’clock news then do it. I don’t expect you to make trips home just to see me. But if you’re within city limits I hope calling me crosses your mind.
I hope when we talk that I make you laugh. I hope that you enjoy our conversations as much as I do. Because I would be lying if I said the hours or days between communications don’t shake my faith in your interest in me. You did tell me up front you’re not the type to blow up my phone, but I hope that you notice when my name doesn’t appear on your home screen.
I don’t need much from you, I would just love to hear from you.