1. You have to ask a coworker to hide your Peanut M&M’s somewhere in her desk because you’re dangerously close to finishing the family-size bag in one sitting.
2. You anxiously await noon because then it’s a reasonable hour to begin candy consumption.
3. You have multiple bags of Skittles, candy bars, and hot chocolate packets laced throughout your kitchen, nightstand, and pockets for easy access anytime of day.
4. You’ve skipped a meal before because you accidentally ODed on too many Whoppers.
5. When a waiter asks if you and your gang would like a dessert menu, you nervously stay quiet, hoping you’re not the only one screaming, “Hell yes!” inside.
6. Like a drug addict, you get a sinking feeling of despair and anxiety when you realize your “stash” is gone.
7. You can’t remember the last 24-hour period in which you didn’t ingest something with at least 20+ grams of added sugar in its nutrition content.
8. You add sweetener to your already sugared cereal.
9. Though you’ll abide by any fad-driven diet trend, the thought of forgoing sugar altogether seems legitimately impossible and oddly unhealthy.
10. You’ve referred to yourself as “having a problem” in the near past, to which no one disputed against.
11. You’re convinced people who don’t like ice cream are lying to themselves or secretly robots in disguise.
12. You’ve turned down dates because you ate too many Starbursts that day and now you have sugar mouth, which no one really wants to involve themselves in.
13. You’ve been in an emotional relationship with Reese’s longer than with any human being.
14. You get nervous buying a pint of Ben & Jerry’s because you know that shit just ain’t gonna last through the night, bro.