LSAT For Disillusioned Paralegals

Directions: The questions in this section are based on the reasoning contained in brief statements or passages. For some questions, more than one of the choices could conceivably answer the question. However, you are to choose the best answer; that is, the response that most accurately and completely answers the question. You should not make assumptions that are by commonsense standards implausible, superfluous, or incompatible with the passage. After you have chosen the best answer, blacken the corresponding space on your answer sheet.

1. No one likes to work with little recognition and low pay. However, many people prefer to be employed rather than unemployed. Sometimes, worker dissatisfaction fosters bitter resentment, resulting in absenteeism. Recently, Rebecca has been feeling bitter and depressed, however, she is still employed.

Which one of the following answer choices allows the passage to be true?

A.) Rebecca is a paralegal.
B.) Rebecca is writing a wry yet insightful autobiography that she would not have time for if her career were engaging and challenging.
C.) Working at a law firm causes people to become bitter and law firms do not tolerate absenteeism for any reason, so Rebecca will surely be fired soon.
D.) Bitterness and depression do not cause worker absenteeism.

2. Every morning, Rebecca eats cereal with soymilk. There is an unopened carton of soymilk in the refrigerator that belongs to Rebecca’s roommate Ilana. Rebecca opens it and drinks a cup.

With which of the following principles would Rebecca be most likely to agree?

A.) If one is the youngest roommate in a house of five young-adults, and is the only roommate with a full-time job, she should be forgiven for inconsiderate behavior.
B.) If your roommate has eaten your food in the past, any previous rules restricting sharing are rendered moot.
C.) As long as no one sees you do something, it could have been Gabe.
D.) What you don’t know can’t hurt you, unless it’s contagious.

3. A senior partner held a meeting with an important client to review key case documents, which were organized in a binder created by a paralegal. During the meeting, the client asked about an email correspondence that was not included in the binder.

Which of the following must be true?

A.) The email in question was not a key document.
B.) The client removed the email from the binder to sabotage the paralegal who created it, because he is a malicious and twisted f-ck.
C.) Rebecca is writing her autobiography this week.
D.) Jen must have made the binder because Rebecca never makes mistakes.

4. Jen typically spends the day gossiping with the administrative assistants about her boyfriend’s sexual habits, and sending him text messages until they miscommunicate and get in a fight. Jen only drinks caffeine if she slept fewer than five hours the previous night. Today, Jen is drinking a Fresca and crying in her office with the door shut.

Which of the following CANNOT be true?

A.) Jen was blamed when Rebecca filed the council’s request for admission of critical evidence incorrectly.
B.) Jen is trying a Jersey Shore-inspired diet like her favorite character on The Bachelor.
C.) Fresca disguises the scent of gin.
D.) Fresca has caffeine.

5. Rebecca is always on gchat unless she is organizing email correspondence in chronological order or searching for a subpoena in a windowless room filled with unlabeled cardboard storage boxes. Recent reports suggest that performing multiple tasks simultaneously does not save time, and that the quality of work product decreases relative to the number of tasks attempted.

What is the main point of this passage?

A.) People with boring jobs multitask to prevent their brains from atrophying and melting out of their ears.
B.) Private industry should block gmail on company computers.
C.) Haste and hurry will bear children with many regrets. ~ Senegalese proverb
D.) Why are there no labels for the motherf-cking boxes and also, what the f-ck is a subpoena?

6. Generally, law firms want to maximize billable hours and paralegals want to avoid mundane work. There is always photocopying for the Smith case. Rebecca’s time is billed out at $275/hour, and she takes home $11.27/hour. It is Friday afternoon and Rebecca just received an urgent email about Mr. Smith.

Which of the following is most analogous to the situation above?

A.) A woman’s child has fallen down a well and his name is Tikki tikki tembo nosa rembo chari bari ruche pip pen pembo.
B.) A woman’s child has fallen down a well, and his name is Chang.
C.) You have a miserable job where you will spend all day, everyday photocopying, hole punching, and stapling, never glimpsing natural light.
D.) You weren’t supposed to staple; start over.

7. Answer the question below based on the following dialogue:

Ilana: Hi Rebecca, how was work? I just went to an awesome yoga class — I feel at peace in body and mind. By the way, did you use my soymilk?

Rebecca: That’s great — I’m glad you can channel kindness and compassion into your personal life. As a wise man once said, generosity is the greatest virtue. Did you ask Gabe about your soymilk?

Each of the following is a method of reasoning employed by Rebecca EXCEPT:

A.) Incorrectly assuming that Ilana will channel her inner calm into her personal life.
B.) Quoting an expert on moral behavior.
C.) Intentionally putting Ilana in a position where she would look like a bad yogi if she continues to pursue the question.
D.) Introducing an absent third party to delay resolution of the problem at hand.

8. Rebecca: It is human nature to question the best course of action in life. Being a paralegal has no clear benefits, and instead, I live in fear that I will make a mistake and lose my job. However, over the months I have worked as a paralegal, it has become clear that I am not capable of doing anything else. I must do everything I can to keep this job, even if it means pacifying myself with alcohol at night and food blogs during the day.

Which one of the following most accurately expresses the main conclusion of Rebecca’s argument?

A.) Someone flipped a coin, and you lost.
B.) Self-reflection is an indulgence for lawyers and unless they have delegated the task. Do you have your JD? No? Did I ask you to reflect? No? Sorry, what was that?
C.) Rebecca has white girl problems.
D.) If asked to make photocopies while standing on one foot and patting her head with her left hand, Rebecca would not do it with a smile, unless asked to smile. TC mark

image – Nevada Tumbleweed

More From Thought Catalog

  • TanyaE.

    I feel your pain.  5th year paralegal….

  • Kate Hoagland

    Can you be my new best friend? Because this was my life.

  • dani

    Loved the twist on this! Very funny. Just sent to my paralegal-ish friend.

  • http://twitter.com/jen_with_love Jen

    After I got BA (before I enrolled in grad school), I wasn’t finding any f/t work, so my parents suggested I go back to school to become a paralegal (which only would take 2 semester).  I basically laughed in their face….I “grad school” hate my life, but I don’t “paralegal” hate my life.  C’mon!

  • Joshgondelman

    This was really funny and dark and great! Nice work!

  • CL

    hilarious but not motivating for my constitutional law exam later…

  • Guest

    at least as a paralegal with experience you are probably getting paid more than the poor suckers coming out of law school that will be forced to do the same work for $9/hr.

    Also this is totally true. Notice how I am on Thought Catalog at work…

  • Jessica

    haha! i work in a law firm. in fact, i’m at work right now…

blog comments powered by Disqus