When I Think About Love, All I See Are Colors

Chiara Cremaschi
Chiara Cremaschi

Breaking up with someone is hard. You don’t think it’s a big deal when it happens to a friend, but when it happens to you, suddenly things click. The pain you saw your friend go through, you understand. What you once saw as a black and white thing suddenly comes in color…whether you like it or not. Your chest physically hurts, you can’t eat, sleep, or stop thinking. Your mind is always on that person.

What used to be a life felt in color became dull, everything is now grey.

My favorite color has always been yellow. Not the obnoxious kind of yellow, but the kind of yellow a sunrise is when it hits your face with warmth. And when I think about my favorite color, I can’t help but think…what was his favorite color? We spoke about it, but for some reason, the memory is blurred, and I can’t remember.

Looking back, if I were to guess what his favorite color would be, it would be grey. Maybe grey, because he loved the rain so much. Now, I think of you and I realize you’re nothing like grey. You were burning reds when you were furious or passionate about something, barely contained fire beneath the surface.

You were orange when you held it at bay, couldn’t stand to burn me, promised you’d never hurt me. But how wrong you were at that, and how silly of me to believe you.

My favorite color is yellow. And when you smiled, you were yellows. You were the pure, unfiltered, liquid sunlight that poured out of your eyes and warmth that radiated from the corners of your lips.

You were pink when you were gentle, tinged cheeks, soft fingers, and mussed hair. Pink when you were tentative but hopeful, nervous sometimes, but always so tender. You were your weakest and most in love when you were pink.

You were purples when you laughed, that giggle, that gap in your teeth that made a limited appearance when you really smiled and your eyes crinkling, body shaking. Purple was joy, happiness that you felt looking at me, smiling back at you. Purple was my favorite color on you.

Grey could have been your favorite color, but my love, grey is for storms and you’re far from a storm…no matter how much of a hurricane you made me into. Love, you were far from a storm in my eyes.

Right now I can’t really tell what color anything is. Break ups are hard. Everything is still moving, life is going, and I want to be fixed…but I can’t see color right now. Everything is changing and I don’t know where I fit without you. Maybe when my friends go through this, they’ll understand, and I’ll comfort them.

But for right now, life is pretty colorless.

The only color I see is in the sun, because it makes me think of you. You’re in all my sunsets, I just hope you still find me in every sunrise. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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