Rant: I am so tired of seeing “# Signs You Don’t Have a Grip on Being a Lady” and other shitty titles with 5 million likes and tweets accompanied by messages of understanding. Just because you can’t make a pie, you like to wear pants, and you are comfortable going several days without shaving or plucking a single hair does not mean you’ve lost your grip on femininity; perhaps it means you define it differently. Or maybe you just don’t care about societal expectations and gender roles. You do you. I kind of just thought that my planet-sized boobs and vagina were enough. End Rant.
1. You prefer pants to a dress
Maybe you have big thighs and you don’t like when they rub together. Maybe you don’t like the thought of airborne pathogens getting that much closer to your birth canal. Maybe you just want to wear fucking pants. You can hate dresses and still be a lady.
2. You don’t wear makeup
Please tell me when it became masculine to leave your face the way it is instead of painting a mask on every day. Seriously, tell me when. Now let’s get in our time machine and make that never happen. If being a lady means wearing makeup then being a lady means being insecure on some level. Let’s be women and hate the faces we were born with.
3. You’re okay with body hair
Whether it’s four day old armpit stubble or a bush that’s been growing a lifetime, WHO DAFUQ CARES?! Hair is hair. What woman in her twenties actually has the money to get her entire body waxed every three to four weeks? Who has the time to shave every single day in the shower? Are there actual humans that shower every single day of the year? I kind of thought everyone skipped some here and there. Anyway, whether it’s prickle, stubble, or a statement, it shouldn’t make or break being a lady.
4. You don’t want a traditional future
There is no law of womanhood that says all vagina owners should dream of marriage and children and white picket fences. If that is your dream, by all means, chase after it, but if it’s not, that is totally fine. You’re no less of a lady for having a different dream than my grandma.
5. You would rather order food than make it
Did I miss the part where we should have been born wearing aprons and oven mitts? Making food takes time, and not every woman has time at her disposal. Some people love cooking and some people love Seamless; hell, I’m in a love triangle with the two of them. Apparently women are meant to be in the kitchen– someone should tell Food Network as a majority of their featured, world-renowned chefs are men…. with penises. Flawed logic, y’all. Be a lady, cook Thanksgiving dinner or order a pizza. IDGAF.
This list could, of course, go on forever. But I don’t think that’s necessary. Let’s allow ourselves to progress and stop making these ridiculous posts.
Haters can kiss my ass. xoxo.