I know, I know. Me too. I really wish he’d texted me back. I really wish he’d held up our plans, and I really wish he hadn’t opened that snapchat without telling me he was too busy to see me. I know, me too.
Why was it so hard for him to talk to me? I wasn’t expecting hearts and flowers, and I certainly wasn’t expecting him to bring me home to meet his parents. But do I have to want all of that to get a text back? To get any kind of communication?
I did expect him to want to talk to me. I expected him to want to spend time with me, to grab a drink one night when he was in town. I did expect him to want to see me.
Call it old fashioned, but I guess I expected a lot without having any reason to do so.
Just because I was interested doesn’t mean he ever was. Ouch. When we’d first met, I expected we’d get dinner and a few drinks. When we first met, I had already thrown assumptions his way when the poor guy probably couldn’t decide if he wanted to drink beer or whiskey. So, it’s reasonable to say I expected too much even then.
It’d be even more reasonable to say I had an assumption about the way things were going to go. We’d get drinks, he’d think I was fun, I’d want my friends to meet him, and suddenly it’s ten steps ahead and I’m imagining what his roommates want me to make everyone for dinner. Oops.
I expected a lot from a man who couldn’t be bothered to send me a text back within a reasonable time frame. We’re talking two to three days, here.
I expected a lot from a man who wanted to hide my car from his neighbors. I expected a lot from a man who cared more about the way he finished his night (my bed, or yours?) than if I ever enjoyed it, at all. Those are really low standards to craft elaborate expectations on, aren’t they?
Those are low standards of conduct, and I accepted them because if he didn’t like me, it meant I wasn’t good enough (for whoever, whatever, you know – just a great general sweeping assumption) because in my head, I expected him to think I was fun.
So when he was done, it was over before it started really, and I was left with a lot of unmet expectations. Low standards and high expectations aren’t the things dreams are made of. They’re the bottom of the river, murky and a little bit sticky where things go to never be found again. Your ex probably belongs there, not your future whoever it is.
Hi-ho it’s out of the mud you go. Cue the things dreams are made of. Someone worth spending your time, effort, and heart space on will call you back. They’ll be excited for you to be included in their life.
Set the bar on your standards higher, and lower your expectations.
That phrase – whatever you’re looking for is seeking you? That one. Think about it, for a moment. If it’s true (and believe me it is) you really shouldn’t spend two hours waiting for him to text you when he’s not going to. If it’s been several months and his roommates still don’t know your name, that really can’t quite be what you’re looking for because none of us are.
Whatever you’re looking for, be it love or a friend or a story to tell your girlfriends next week, it’s seeking you. So let it! Stop trying to reach out and find it. Stop guessing if “this is it” and let it discover you. We spend so much time planning and expecting that we’re constantly worried, constantly trying to architect a reality that doesn’t exist. Life is what happens when you’re making other plans. You have to let it.