I used to believe if you loved someone, you made it work.
You tried; you kept going. You did everything in your power to come together and to be with one another forever. Sure, there is some truth in this, for I don’t believe relationships are plain sailing. However, at the same time, I don’t believe all relationships last forever.
We’re taught relationships are fairy tales and happy endings, and as much as I am a dreamer, I’ve learnt sometimes relationships end. Sometimes you need to move on. Sometimes you have to let go of the love you think you need, in order to become the person, you truly are.
Why it’s important to let go of the love you think you need:
1. Some relationships are only meant for a season.
Just as seasons in nature change, so do we as humans. Some seasons we need more rest and respite, other seasons we need fun and adventure. As we ourselves change what we need, so too do the relationships around us. Not every relationship is able to weather a season. Some people are only meant to be the fun friend, and some relationships are only meant to show us adventure. It’s the weekend fling and the Summer love. Sometimes that’s all they’re meant to be. They’re not meant to be forever and always. It’s hard to want to let go of these relationships because they show us the highs of life. These are the relationships which are meant to inject joy into your life and show you what it means to truly live.
2. Some relationships are only designed to show you your values and your worth.
Sometimes what we think we want is not actually what we really want. Relationships are portals to a greater understanding of what our values are and what is important to us. You may be attracted to a person who ticks a lot of proverbial boxes, but do their values underpin yours? Perhaps their lifestyle is different than yours. Is that something you are willing to accept, or is it something you want to change? If you enter a relationship with the desire to change aspects of a person, it probably won’t work. Relationships reveal to us where we compromise our values for connection and where we hold strong boundaries for what is important to us. Don’t compromise your values for connection—it will only leave you upset later on down the track.
3. Some relationships are only designed to help you heal.
All our relationships act as a mirror to the deepest parts of our psyche to help us to heal. Relationships can reflect to us both the best parts of us and the worst. Some relationships are meant to inspire us to greatness, others are meant to be our dissolution. The relationships which are here to be our dissolution are only here to show us the shadow parts of us we don’t want to see. They’re here to help us accept, love, and forgive these parts of ourselves so we feel more whole and complete. They’re the relationships which will trigger a lot of things within you and oftentimes will feel hard more than they feel good. Learn what you can from them, heal, and know there will come a time where you need to walk away for you.
4. Some relationships just aren’t healthy for you.
You can love someone and at the same time, the relationship can be unhealthy. It’s possible for these two things to coexist. Just because you love someone, does it mean you should be with them if it’s unhealthy? No. As hard as it can be, sometimes loving people from a distance is the best thing for the both of you. Relationships aren’t meant to feel like a rollercoaster ride or be filled with conflict. They’re not meant to make you feel anxious, and all consuming. You’re not meant to lose yourself in a relationship. Trust me when I say this relationship does not serve you and your highest growth.
Letting go of relationships is not what it seems or what we believe it to be. It is actually an opening to greater joy. Every time we let go of a relationship, the space that is left creates the space for someone or something new to enter. It helps us to grow and to feel more whole. Letting go of relationships help us to become stronger in who we are in this world and help us to become who we are.