The Ultimate Guide To When You Should Have “The Talk”


There’s nothing people dread more in the early stages of a relationship than having ‘the talk’. Not knowing where you stand with someone or where the relationship is going is frustrating.

In truth, when I look back at my relationships where I’ve had to wonder and ask myself these questions – the relationships didn’t go very far.

It’s possible for a man to ask you to be his girlfriend without ever having to bring up ‘the big talk’ and here’s how you do it!

1. Define What A Relationship Means To You.

Relationships are not one size fits all. People have very different views of what they are looking for in a relationship. Don’t assume that by saying that you’re looking for one, it automatically means the same thing for someone else.

A relationship can be defined as anything between a companion that you spend time with on the weekends, to a serious and exclusive relationship that leads to marriage and kids.

2. Set An Intention Early!

If you are dating with the purpose of getting into a serious relationship, say so! Don’t be afraid of scaring a man off. If he’s scared of having an adult conversation about your intention, he’s not worth dating in the first place.

Ask him “What are you looking for?” as soon as the first date. When it’s your turn to share tell him that you’re looking for a relationship and what your definition of a relationship is.

Assure him that while this is your intention in dating, you are not looking to make him your boyfriend or husband tomorrow. That you want to make sure you’re both looking for the same thing, and if you are, you don’t have to constantly talk about it. You can have fun and get to know each other.

3. Learn His Patterns.

These are a couple of questions I often put out there in the first 3 dates. They will teach you a lot about how this man views relationships and operates.

How do you know that you want a relationship with someone?

How long does it normally take you to know this?

While women are looking to ‘feel’ a certain way to know when they want a relationship with someone, most men operate more strategically. By asking these questions you’ll learn about their strategy or pattern behind getting into relationships and you can watch to see if the pattern is repeating itself with you.

You’ll also get to figure out if his pattern works for you. If he tells you he has an issue with commitment or settling down with someone or hasn’t had many relationships, pay attention. It won’t be any different with you.

4. Watch His Actions.

Is he showing up in his intention? Is his behavior in line with someone who is boyfriend material? Is he making plans, being consistent, respectful and following through on his words?

Is the relationship progressing or are you still only seeing each other once a week on the weekends? How often are you communicating? When are you seeing each other? These answers all make a difference in his intention. If it’s only late at night or for lunch, he’s not being true to his intention.

5. Create A Meaningful Connection!

Talk to him about real shit! Share your life with him and listen to him. Most people are only creating external and surface connections. They’re too afraid to let others in.

When you are able to talk about the real stuff and make a real connection where you talk about your vision, values and goals in life there will never be any question about what you’re looking for. You’ll never have to have ‘the talk’, because you’re sharing and talking about your intention regularly without all the pressure of ‘the talk’.

6. Be Confident.

No one wants a woman who reeks of desperation. Know the value you bring to a relationship and show up as a confident and deserving woman.

A woman who is authentically herself and can confidently receive from a man as well as give lovingly. A woman who stands in her values and has integrity for her intention.

Have integrity in the intention that you set with this man, and don’t allow behavior that isn’t in line with what a relationship means to you. He can’t respect your intention if you don’t.

When you show up in this way from the very beginning the man will respect you, your journey and what you are looking to accomplish in all areas of your life – including a relationship.

When your visions and actions are aligned and you’ve built a deeper connection, he’ll make you his – no questions asked. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Ravid’s a street smart, real world relationship coach who helps smart women find smart love, releasing the drama, disappointment, and baggage of the past.

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