You’ve been hanging out with this guy for weeks, maybe even months. You’re not sure how he feels and you haven’t had “the talk.” You think you’re ready for more — but he hasn’t brought it up. Maybe he’s even avoiding the topic completely.
In a culture where relationship lines are blurred and more people are hooking up than cuffin’ up, taking the leap from casual to commitment can seem complicated.
The thing is, if a man wants to be with you, he will do whatever it takes to have you. There are reasons you’ve remained a hookup and not his girlfriend — here they are:
1. You enabled the hookup mentality.
He was passive in his approach, and you enabled his behavior. Maybe you started out as friends, or met through mutual friends, which made you comfortable hooking up right away. Maybe you weren’t looking for more than a hookup at the time, anyway. Since your relationship didn’t start out on a course to commitment, there was never an expectation to commit. There’s never been the expectation for him to take you out or treat you as anything but a hookup, and so, there you stand.
2. You never told him what you wanted.
You wanted to be the cool girl because you didn’t want to pressure him. You were just having fun, but then, you started feeling things. Even then, you didn’t say anything because you were afraid to do so. He can’t read your mind. Unless you clearly express how you feel and what you want, you’ll never get it and you’ll be stuck in a cycle of unfulfilled expectations.
3. You didn’t make him a priority.
Hanging out and hooking up once a week or every now and then was okay with you. You were busy, he was busy, and neither of you wanted to put any pressure on the situation. You didn’t prioritize each other, and he needed more attention from you to figure out if you were worth settling down with. Now, he’s spending more time with the person who did prioritize him.
4. You ignore the signs that he’s emotionally unavailable.
He never slept over because he always had an early day at work the next day, or whatever other excuses he gave you. You never went on dates because he only communicated when he wanted to hook up. He didn’t share his days with you and you never got to know much about him. He only gave you enough to keep you holding on to hope. Those are the signs of the emotionally unavailable man and you missed them.
5. You “gave him the milk for free.”
We’ve all heard the saying, “Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?” This normally refers to sex, but there’s more to it. He’s getting all the benefits of being your boyfriend without having to commit. You’re cooking and cleaning for him. You’re supporting his dreams. You’re giving him your time and your heart. Why would he commit when he’s already getting all of the perks?
6. He’s just not that into you.
We’re not all meant for each other. Maybe he’s just not that into you, but the sex is good so he keeps hooking up.
No matter the reason, if you’re looking for more, it’s time to talk about it. Get on the same page with the man who is getting your time, mind, and body. Don’t let fear, comfort, or selfishness keep you from getting what you ultimately need and deserve. No matter the outcome, you’ll live to love another day.