13 Obvious Things All Independent Women Need To Know About Finding Love

Flickr / Holly Lay
Flickr / Holly Lay

Last week I had a couple of articles go viral and lots of public opinion to go with it. I was most surprised by the comments and feedback I received from women who thought I was “self hating” and “sexist.”

I’d like to believe that I am the epitome of a strong and independent woman. I fought my way through a male dominated music industry and became an executive and department head at 23. I owned my own home by 24. I have never needed or borrowed from anyone in my life—not even my parents. At 30 I battled through cancer, and now I am creating a completely new life and career for myself.

The women who left these comments were standing up for feminism. Does feminism mean that these women could no longer allow a man to be strong? Does it mean that they couldn’t allow themselves to ever be vulnerable? Why can’t we have it go both ways? Both he and I can be strong, giving, supportive and vulnerable.

To have it all (and finally be happy), we must have balance in our life.

If you’re a strong and independent woman, you can have love in your life without losing yourself as long as you know and understand the following things:

1. Attracting a strong man doesn’t mean dumbing yourself down, because the right man will not be scared away by your brain.

2. Ditching your list doesn’t mean lowering your standards. The most important characteristics in a man can’t be found in a minimum height or salary.

3. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak. It just means you’re open and honest with your heart.

4. Being confident in who you are will allow him the space to be who he is; a provider and a protector.

5. Letting him hold the door for you is not a sign that you are lesser than, it’s a sign of respect.

6. You don’t need him, but you want him and you’re not afraid to tell him.

7. Having your own money doesn’t mean you can’t receive when he wants to give.

8. Allowing him to take responsibility for you doesn’t mean you are not responsible for yourself.

9. Being an equal doesn’t mean tearing him down.

10. Accepting love into your life doesn’t take away from who you are.

11. Wanting to spend time with someone doesn’t make you dependent.

12. Supporting his career doesn’t make your career any less important.

13. You don’t have to abandon your feminist ideals to be a lady. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Find more must-read sex and dating tips!
Follow Her Catalog on Facebook today.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.


Ravid’s a street smart, real world relationship coach who helps smart women find smart love, releasing the drama, disappointment, and baggage of the past.

Keep up with Ravid on Twitter and lovelifetbd.com

More From Thought Catalog