For over eight years, I was emotionally unavailable. I created a way of behaving that wouldn’t allow for me to connect with anyone emotionally. This is how I stayed single for so long and why I had a hard time being normal in a relationship once I started looking for one. I didn’t have relationships, I had situations; some of these situations were even long-term, but the idea was that we weren’t dating, we weren’t exclusive and we were never going to be together.
My non-committal history has given me the ability to spot the unavailable pretty quickly. Here are six ways to spot the unavailable, or six ways to become unavailable if that’s what you’re into.
1. No Plan
When you’re courting someone, the right thing to do is ask someone out and make a plan for said date. When you’re unavailable, you don’t make plans. You call the person last-minute or send them the “WYD?” text to see if they want to hang out.
2. No Dates
There’s no candle lit dinner or drinks at the bar. You only hang out, be it in groups, or at the person’s house watching TV. There’s no courting, so there’s no dating.
3. No Sharing
They’re not asking about your day or sharing their deepest thoughts. The idea is not to get to know someone because you don’t want to invest in him or her emotionally.
4. No Regular Communication
They are only communicating when they want to hang out because, again, there’s no emotional investment here.
5. No Laying
You may be having sex, but there’s no cuddling or sleeping over. There’s always a reason why they have to leave.
6. No Life:
They are not inviting you into their life. You don’t meet their friends or know anything about their family. Inviting you into their circle means this is real and the unavailable don’t like things to get real. If they’re extremely unavailable, you’ll never even see the inside of their home.
In the end, this all means that there’s no future with this person. If they’re not communicating, getting emotionally invested or trying to spend real time with you, they are unavailable, an asshole or sometimes both and you should just let them go. Unless you’re both unavailable and then you should just have at it!