On Shit Talking

“Fuck you, mother fucker.”

A very simple phrase. When said to a friend, it’s said after he burned you and called you out on your bullshit or one of your many shortcomings as a human being. He zinged you and you had no clever response. You just sat there accepting defeat because of your lack of quick wit. “Fuck you, mother fucker” was the only response you could think of as you sat there pissed off at your friends ability to destroy your self-esteem. Your ego is bruised. You try to think of a verbal ruse in order to inflict the same confidence shattering damage that he caused you. Depending on the depth of your friendship, you can make jokes about his obviously inferior race or you can call him out about that time he got arrested for masturbating in public. If he’s your best friend since high school, the sky is the limit. If he is a new guy friend who you’ve known for 2 or 3 months, then you’re still testing out the water. Maybe bringing up that his girlfriend cheated on him and he is still with her is not the right move.

“Women reinforce social bonds by complimenting each other (but not really meaning it), whereas we men socialize by insulting each other (but not really meaning it).” -Tucker Max

A man truly crosses the threshold from acquaintance to true friend when he is able to thoroughly insult you without fear of physical repercussion. When you dish out a zinger and all you fear is a deeper, soul eviscerating response, instead of the blade of a knife, you know this man is your friend. If you’re able to call him a cock sucker, and he responds with “Only yours baby”, then you know he is your friend. If you’re able to get drunk together, get into a fist fight, beat the living shit out of each other because you couldn’t agree on the finer points of motorcycle history, then, the next morning say “My bad bro… lets go grab some chow.” and give each other a high-five-handshake, then he is your friend.

Shit talk is a privilege reserved for your true friends.

Any serious shit talk incurred by someone who doesn’t know you should be responded to swiftly. I don’t mind being called “A fucking dirty wet-back beaner that should’ve been swallowed.”, by those who know me, but a stranger says something remotely disrespectful to me, I’m ready to get into a fight. The same protective sphere goes out to my friends. Any man worth his grit is protective of his friends. He will attempt to keep his friend out of fight because he knows his buddy is drunk and actually being his bastard self, but if it comes down to it, he will take on anybody to protect him. Then, in a few years, they’ll laugh about the time they got beat up by some cross dressers.

Life is full of people who you are nice to and respectful to that you don’t really care about nor respect. Life is full of people that you hate and don’t like, and you make those feelings be known. But there are very few people in your life that you truly can say fucked up shit to that you don’t really mean, and who you truly respect and care about. Those are friendships worth cultivating. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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