I’d Pee In Her Butt

You look at that girl across the room. She is nothing special, but she is eye fucking you because you’re an eight and she’s a mid-range six. As long as you can keep yourself from showing too much of your shitty personality and not let on that you cry yourself to sleep, the odds of hooking up with her are favorable. You ask your buddy what he thinks of her. “Huh, not bad, I’d pee in her butt” he responds with a nod and frown. You’ve already been rejected by the hot chicks at the bar, and with a couple of more drinks this girl could become a rock solid seven. You make your move.

It comes as no surprise that most women are not bombshells. Most women (and men) are average looking, have average levels of intelligence, and have average ambitions. For a girlfriend, my high standards in all those fields are nonnegotiable. But a chick to just hook up with no emotional investment or attachment, those standards can be adjusted.

Plain looking women have their place in society just like every other person. They can be great sisters, friends, co-workers, and even wives to guys who have little game. But to men, such as myself, who are extremely narcissistic, confident, and work hard to get what they want out of life, they hold little value outside a last call, desperate hook up or a consistent fuck kept around until someone better is found.

What makes a plain woman? Simple, she is not ugly by any means, but she isn’t eye catching either. She usually has one, maybe two, very redeemable features: nice breast, cute face, plump ass, cool personality, etc. The additional or lack of features are their down fall. She may be flat-chested, okay faced, shovel butted, a bit too chubby, too skinny, or have a monstrous over bite. They are physically unoffensive, but also uninspiring. They look more like Velma Dinkley from Scooby-Doo rather than Daphne.

She is someone you wouldn’t be embarrassed have walk out of your bedroom the next morning for your roommates to see. But they aren’t going to be impressed either. You’ll get a simple congratulations for getting your dick wet. You’d invest the absolute minimum when taking her out and would never consider actually introducing her to your friends or family. You avoid any conversation about a “relationship” because she lacks a lot of physical and personal qualities you desire in a partner. Yet, she has one very important quality: a warm pussy.

You may even enjoy spending time with her sparingly, but once you finish fucking her and are laying next to her in bed, you hate that she is still there. “I should’ve just jerked off,” you think to yourself. At least that way, you can just drink alone in the dark, and Facebook stalk chicks you might actually be happy with. Being with this plain girl is hallow to your heart and soul, but, getting to fuck a mediocre girl is better than not getting laid. You know you’ll eventually get your bombshell woman if you keep on hitting on chicks and play the numbers game. Until then, you can rely on a few plain girls to penetrate, while thinking to yourself, what the song User Friendly by Marilyn Manson says:

I’m not in love, but I’m gonna fuck you
’til somebody better comes along. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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