I know these past few months have been pretty rough for you. But if you’re reading this then, it means that you’ve finally made it through everything. So, congratulations. Heartbreaks are never easy anyway, especially when he walked out just when you unraveled before his eyes. Distance was supposed to make it easy, but he has touched your mind so much, and opened up so much of yourself that it became harder than ever. You became vulnerable, and maybe that was your worst nightmare.
You have been filled with self-loathing and constant rage, but believe it or not, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. So I am begging you please, please, be nice to yourself. Love yourself. Even though you feel like you have nothing and no one else to hold on, you are still going to survive. Someday, someone is going to look at you like he’s never seen stars in any eyes before. He’s going to love you hard, and when he says he does, please believe him. Someone is going to describe you as if he’s describing the vast horizon of the Grand Canyon, or the sunset, or the northern lights. He’s going to miss you everyday, and he’s going to do the best he can do to make you happy.
See, girl? You deserve to be loved.
But in order to get there, I beg you—I am really begging you—to stop being mean to yourself. Please, please, please find a way to love yourself. Be gentle to your body, as it spends every second providing you life and shelter. Appreciate what your system has done for you and your well-being. Stop starving yourself. Stop using alcohol as an escape. It’s not fair for you and your body. Please, stop breaking yourself. Instead, start eating healthy. Starving yourself won’t get you anywhere. Think healthy. Start being positive about yourself and people around you. Live healthy.
Another one is, start being nice to other people too. Please wear the “smile” thing. I swear you look good in it. I know you claim to be fiercely independent, but being nice won’t give away your independency, right? This also applies on friendships. Please, stop pushing your friends away. Stop leaving. Stop drifting away. Sometimes, they miss you a lot. You might not know this then, but now I do. Stop treating your friends like they are disposable. I understand that you just wanted to keep your distance from people, you try to make yourself seem unapproachable so that they won’t hurt you. Stop thinking so badly about people, honey. You’ve hurt more people than they’ve hurt you.
I repeat then, someone is going to love you so much that you will finally find the beauty in it. You’re going to stop relating vulnerability with weakness. It is the strongest quality that one can ever earn. Not everyone is brave enough to come fully naked and bare, and not everyone is strong enough for the outcome. So, go ahead. Jump in. Be vulnerable. If that someone really loves you, he will never take advantage of it.
Until then, please be happy with yourself. Smile. Take care of your skin. Eat that cheeseburger, then go on a jog. Take selfies. Remind yourself how beautiful you actually are. Your body needs you, and you need your body. Please take care of it well.
Most importantly, love. Hard. Love fiercely. Love joyfully. Love someone so much, because you deserve the same if not greater amount of love. You deserve to be loved. Always be patient. Be kind. Be happy. People care about you.
You might be scared to jump again after this, but this is how you will heal. I know there’s still a tiny piece of you that’s reluctant about the idea of love, but you are strong, and you love fiercely. It may take some time to heal, dear. It is okay. Take all the time you need.
Remember, if you truly love him, set him free. If he comes back, then he is yours.
Meanwhile you’re getting at that, please, please, please, love yourself. This is the only way you will heal.