Why I No Longer Want Your Closure

For the longest time, I waited for our closure. For the longest time, I couldn’t really open up my heart to anyone because I was still waiting for our story to end properly, to end the way it deserved because the beginning was so promising and so heartwarming, it didn’t deserve to end the way it did.

For the longest time, I knew it was going to happen against all odds. I knew it was coming. I couldn’t write you off. I couldn’t accept that you can be worse than the others because to me, you were better than all of them. If they could give me the closure I needed, so could you. It was what I truly needed to get clarity and set you free.

I knew that it was important to have one final conversation. That moment where you tell me your truth and I tell you mine. I knew it was right around the corner. But today is not one of those days. Today our closure doesn’t mean a thing to me. Today I realized that your closure was just an illusion to hold on to the idea of you a little longer. To hold on to the idea of us a little longer. Your closure was just me refusing to accept the fact that you’re not who I thought you were. Your closure was my ego refusing to admit that I was wrong about you. Your closure was my stubborn pride refusing to acknowledge that you weren’t the right choice.

Today is the day I realized that your closure was just me not wanting to lose you but the truth is I lost you a long time ago, and with closure or without, it wouldn’t change a thing. It may silence some of my doubts but it doesn’t change anything because I was hurt when I needed closure and now I’m healed and that healed version of me is not looking for your validation. That healed version of me doesn’t need your petty explanations or excuses. That healed version of me will not tolerate your fickleness. That healed version of me doesn’t need your lame conversation or apology.

For the longest time I needed your closure but today if I run into you and you want to talk, I won’t have anything to say to you because today I realized that you took a dear part of me that I couldn’t let go of but that part wasn’t serving me at all. That part was insecure and lenient with her standards and that part didn’t know her worth so you can have it all to yourself now. Take her and her need for closure away from me. I don’t live there anymore. She won’t have a place to stay in my new home and neither will you.

About the author
Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me. Follow Rania on Instagram or read more articles from Rania on Thought Catalog.

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