When you choose to stay in a toxic relationship, you’re signing up for a painful life, sleepless nights, ugly fights and a constant battle between your heart and your mind. Every day is a struggle followed by the burning question; is it better to stay or leave. Will this person ever change or will it be more of the same? And it’s always ‘more of the same.’
It’s because you’re choosing to stay in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be yourself. You’re walking on eggshells because you feel like you will be punished for the smallest mistake or the tiniest slip-up. You’re constantly watching what you say and what you do because you’re trying to avoid another episode of hurtful words and spiteful fights. You’re constantly regretting opening up about your deepest secrets because somehow they’re being used against you on a bad day. You’re constantly putting the other person’s feelings and needs above your own.
You’re choosing to stay with someone who shows you how insignificant your feelings are and how flimsy your opinions are. You’re choosing to stay with someone who more often than not disappoints you instead of showing up for you. Your communication is never received with respect and understanding and your boundaries are always taken lightly. You get used to a certain destructive pattern and somehow it becomes your norm.
The only thing you’re getting out of your toxic relationship is pain because if it’s destroying, it’s not love and if it’s suppressing who you really are, it’s not love and if it’s always bringing out the worst in you, it’s not love. Maybe it’s infatuation, maybe it’s unhealthy attachment and maybe it’s codependency but it’s not love. If it involves a great deal of manipulation and emotional abuse then it’s not love. If it’s putting you through hell, it’s not love.
And the reason why some people manipulate you to stay with them is that they know that the moment you see the truth, the moment you take off your blinders, the moment you remember how you should be treated, you will walk away and that wouldn’t serve their interests. They know that you’re one decision away from saying you’ve had enough and it’s time to say goodbye.
But I guess the pain of breaking your own heart temporarily is better than having your heart broken by the same person every single day and I guess the pain of missing someone for a while is better than being with someone who condemns you forever.