This is me learning to say no. No to the things that drain me, no to the people who suck the energy out of me. No to the things that no longer serve me and no to the person I used to be, the person that I wasn’t so proud of that sometimes comes creeping back in. This is me refusing to go back to my old self-destructive ways. If self-love and care come with a price, then I’m willing to pay whatever it takes to heal.
This is me kissing the past goodbye. This is me leaving some of the baggage behind and learning how to forgive myself. The burdens that I carried for too long, the fears that haunt me with every new exciting opportunity and the voices inside my head that cripple me from finding joy. This is me kissing them all goodbye and trying to start over. Trying to learn that the past doesn’t always repeat itself, that I’ve grown and learned and evolved so I can trust myself to make better decisions. This is me slowly learning to trust myself again. This is me learning to trust the universe no matter how many times it deluded me. This is me learning how to have faith again that the stars will eventually align and timing will finally be on my side.
This is me making peace with my heart. This is me learning how to follow it once more. Maybe I was too hard on it because of what it put me through. Maybe I despised it for the longest time for being so naive or weak or foolish and maybe it’s still all of those things but it’s mine and it moves for a reason and it has learned something crucial from every heartbreak and every wrong fall and every bad choice. This is me giving my heart another chance because it’s always going to be worth it. It’s always going to bring me closer to what I’m looking for and it’s always going to be my compass. It’s the hub of my love and passion and happiness. How can I give up on it? How can I live when we’re not entwined? This is me trusting my heart again and determining to satiate its hunger for whatever it wants. This is me determining to make my heart happy, strong and fulfilled again.
This is me healing myself and that doesn’t mean there won’t be bad days or heartbreaks or failures, it doesn’t mean that I’ve found the secret to eternal happiness or the cure to heartache but it means that I’m committing to starting over, to believing again, to loving again, to trusting again. I’m not letting every painful experience stop me from trying again and I’m not letting every heartbreak close me off from love. This is me healing myself from all the ways I’ve ruined myself because sometimes you just have to destroy everything and lose yourself before you can truly heal and find yourself again.