This Is Me Protecting My Heart

This is me protecting my heart from another heartbreak, another heart attack, another one-sided story. This is me seeing it in your eyes, hearing it in your words, watching it in your actions because I’ve seen it all before. I know what it all means. I know how it all ends. I just know.

This is me trying to learn a thing or two from my previous experiences. This is me trying to stay away from the vicious cycle of always handing my heart to the wrong person. Always handing my heart to the ones who don’t want to keep it. Always giving so much to those who give so little. This is me trying to practice what I preach and wait for the love that doesn’t want to let me go. The kind of love that sticks around. The kind of love that wants be all in even if the odds are against us.

This is me learning not to trust too much or fall too soon. This is me learning to take it easy on my heart this time. This is me seeing people for who they are not who I want them to be. This is me taking words literally instead of trying to put my own spin on them so they can match what I want to hear. This is me believing the truth instead of making excuses to believe my fabricated lies. This is me accepting the reality even if it’s crushing every part of my soul.

This is me falling back so I don’t fall down. This is me putting an end to the search for love, the toxic thoughts, the wondering, the questions, the anxiety, the sleepless nights, the exhaustion that comes with trying to figure out where someone stands, what they’re thinking, why I’m not good enough or how long before it all falls apart. This is me fighting for my peace of my mind. This is me giving myself a break from this rollercoaster. This is me getting off the ride.

This is me throwing in the towel. This is me admitting that I’m not strong enough for another heartbreak. I’m not ready for another letdown. I can’t afford another disappointment. This is me accepting that maybe this is my fate right now. Maybe I just need to be alone. Maybe trying to find someone else is not what I should be looking for. This is me trusting the universe to bring me what’s meant for me because I’m just tired. I’m lost. I’m confused.

This is me doing the only thing I can do right now — protecting my heart. Holding it close to me. Making sure it doesn’t slip away in the middle of the night. Making sure no one steps on it. Keeping it close to me. This is me playing it safe because I’m done being sorry. I’m done apologizing to my heart for the hell I keep putting it through.