I’m slowly learning that life and love are not a race I should be trying to win. I’m not interested in competing. I’m not even interested in winning. I’m interested in learning, in growing and I’m interested in doing what’s best for me even if it means being out of the race. Even if it means losing every now and then because ultimately, I don’t want people to decide what ‘winning’ means for me. I don’t want my life to be determined by a finish line and I don’t want my love life to be a bunch of hearts I’m trying to break.
I’m slowly learning that it’s not really about numbers for me but more about experiences. I want to live, I don’t want to compete. I want to love for the sake of loving, I don’t want to love so I can get a few extra points or win a race I don’t want to even participate in.
I’m slowly learning that I don’t want to compete with a bunch of younger or more attractive girls. I don’t want love to be about competing and standing out and fighting over one person.
I’m slowly learning that love is a feeling and you can’t really put a score on that. You can’t really put a number on your heart and I’d rather wait for the heart that’s moved by me than compete for a stoic or a shallow heart. I’d rather lose the game altogether if this is how you find love.
I’m slowly learning that if I keep living trying to compete with others, I’m ruining my own life because someone will always have something I want. Someone will always have something I don’t have. Someone will always be more accomplished. Someone will always be more attractive. Someone will always be better at something I’m struggling with and it’s not a fair way to live when you compare yourself to others and always fall short. It’s not a fair way to live when you feel like you have to be everything you can’t be. It’s not a fair way to live when you’re always trying to win instead of trying to be yourself, fail and learn or just accept what the universe has in store for you.
I’m slowly learning I can’t control what everyone around me is doing but I can find the best way to be myself. My own definition of success and happiness. The right way for me to live the life I want according to my own rules. The kind of love I’m looking for without having to manipulate anyone into loving me.
I’m slowly learning that not competing may get you slower results but it will get you the right ones. I’m slowly learning that my life works better when I set the rules, when I follow the pace that’s working for me, when I decide where the finish line is and when I pick my own team. The team that I want to stay with forever whether we win or lose. The team that will always be by my side.