I’m Not A Project You Need To Work On

Daniel Apodaca

Just because I write so openly about heartbreak and pain doesn’t mean I’m always broken, it doesn’t mean that I don’t know happiness or love or euphoria. I’ve experienced them all. I’ve moved on from my exes. I’ve healed from painful experiences. I’ve let go of the expectations I had and the people I was attached to. I’m not always broken. I’m not full of pain. I don’t need fixing so I can love again. I don’t need anyone to repair me.

I listen to sad songs and write sad poetry because I remember what it’s like to feel this way. I remember the pain. I remember easily what broke me and how I felt but trust me when I tell you that these memories don’t break me anymore. These memories inspire me to become stronger, wiser and complete on my own. These memories are not an invitation for anyone to come fix me or look at me like I’m damaged.

Look at the new and improved version of me. The girl who built herself up again. The girl who followed her dream. The girl who healed. The girl who moved on. The girl who somehow fixed herself and revived her heart and is ready to love wholeheartedly again.

The truth is I’ve reached a point where I stopped letting people make me feel like I’m not good enough. I stopped defining myself by how they see me. I stopped letting another flawed human being with the same insecurities make me feel like I have a lot of work to do so I can measure up. 

We’re all working on ourselves. We’re all trying to mend what we broke or what people broke in us. We’re all trying to heal from something or forget someone and remember our worth. So I don’t need anyone to fix me or tell me who I should be. I don’t want anyone to rush me either. I’m taking my time.
I’m enjoying this process. I’m growing in my own way. I’m learning from my mistakes. I’m becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be but didn’t know how. I’m starting to understand what each heartbreak was trying to teach me and where each downfall was trying to take me.

Because even when I’m broken, I don’t want to depend on anyone to fix me. I need to learn how to fix myself over and over again.

I’m not a project you need to work on. I’m a human being with imperfections and I’ll always be this way. So accept me for who I am instead of trying to change the things that I’m already committed to changing and don’t look at me and think I’m broken beyond repair — look at me as someone who fought back, someone who battled her demons, someone who survived, someone who collapsed but woke up with renewed faith and hope. Someone who will always have the right tools to fix whatever tries to break her. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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