I Want To Find My Own Definition Of Love

My dad told me that I should wait
for the man who can give me the world;
a man who could love me the way he loves me
but he always made me feel
like I was never good enough.
My mom always told me
pick the one who loves you more
because loving too much
can break you
and you should always
play it safe
but then she followed her heart
and never her own advice.
My friends always told me
pick the one who is sure about you
but then they all chased after
the guys they wanted.
And I listened to all of them,
I picked the man who wanted
to give me the world
but it was a world I didn’t want to live in —
a world I didn’t belong to.
And then I picked the one who loved me more
but I always felt like I was settling
because my heart didn’t flutter
every time I saw him
and my eyes didn’t see
my future in his.
And then I went for the one
who was sure about me
only to drown in
my own uncertainty
and it never felt right.
It never felt natural.
So I stopped.
And I decided that I’ll forget
what they told me
and listen to the beat of my heart
because sometimes
I’m the only one who can hear
its rhythm
and sometimes I’m the only one
who can hear the music
and maybe I had to make
all these bad choices
so I can finally understand
that no matter what anyone says
my heart will always choose love
and it won’t be defined by anyone
other than me.
And maybe all these bad choices
enlightened me to find a new meaning
and a kind of love I can understand.
A kind that makes sense to me
even if it doesn’t make sense
to anyone else.