Some days it feels like a curse.
It feels like you’re lost. Like you live in a reality of lies searching for truth. You try to conform, you try to be a useful ‘adult’ but something is always missing. There’s a void that cannot be filled. There’s something terribly wrong with the world and you don’t know how to fix it.
Sometimes you’re forced to be a loner because no one really understands you and the more you hang out with people, the more you lose yourself, the more you question who you should be and the more you ask yourself if you’re an alien living with humans or if you’re a human living with aliens.
It feels like you can’t fall in love. Because you can’t find it, and when you do, people don’t want it from you. They don’t want the kind of love you want to offer, the don’t want the deep connection that comes naturally to you, they don’t want the old-fashioned romance because it’s just too mushy and it’s just too much. They don’t want you to be the only one, they want options, they don’t want you to be there for them all the time because that’s too needy and they crave their space. They don’t want your love because it’s outdated, it’s not cool and it’s not chill. It feels like the more you fall in love, the more you get your heart broken.
It feels like you’re alive but you’re not actually living because you wake up every day and you don’t know if you’re happy, if you’re in touch with your reality, if you’re in the right generation. You go to work and you dream about another life, another era, another time when life was more about peace rather than stress, when less was more, when beauty wasn’t so hard to find. You talk to people but you don’t connect, the communication is shallow, the words are meaningless and the bond is weak. You long for conversations that never end, for words that are real and heartfelt, for a connection between souls. You’re looking for something divine.
But some days, it’s a blessing.
Because you’re a dreamer among realists, you hope when all hope is lost, you love when the love is gone, you dig deeper when no one even wants to scratch the surface, you give when everyone takes, you radiate warmth, honesty and sincerity when people are only seeking power.
You try to find meaning in an empty world, you try to find the best of both worlds and fuse them together and even though most of the time it feels like a struggle, at the end of the day, I do believe you’ll win. I believe you’ll prevail. Because when you’re an old soul and a hopeless romantic, you don’t give up. You don’t settle. You keep fighting. You keep dreaming. You believe that somehow, you’ll find the truth. You’ll find the home you’re looking for. You’ll find where you belong.