Even After All These Years, Your Love Still Saves Me

 @contento
@contento

The more guys I meet, the more I realize that you just knew it from the start. You didn’t need time to figure it out, you didn’t need to take it slow, you didn’t wait to see if you’re ready and you didn’t risk losing me. You just knew that you can’t let me go. You knew that you had try.

The more guys I talk to, the more I realize that no one wants to listen, they only want attention, they only want to prove a point, they only want to feel good about themselves and they only care about what they’re getting out of this. But you only wanted to know me, you wanted to know everything, you wanted to listen, you wanted to study me and you wanted to make me feel understood and make me feel loved.

The more guys I fall for, the more I realize I made a huge mistake. By walking away, by leaving because I thought there will be more guys like you, I thought it will be easy to find someone who appreciates me, someone who makes an effort and someone who wants to stay. Now I know that everyone is scared of staying because they got so good at leaving, at running away, at dropping good things and breaking them because they never understood their value.

And now I know no one will value me the way you did, no one will see me the way you did and maybe no one will love me the way you did.

Because I didn’t have doubts with you, I didn’t wait by the phone wondering, I didn’t have to worry about lonely nights or unanswered calls because you were always there. You showed up even if I didn’t ask you to, you made me feel like a priority, like I’m the first and last thing on your mind. Your love was pure and it was real and I failed to understand that back then, but boy do I understand it now.

I used to think that you’re different but now I know you’re exceptional. You’re one of a kind. You’re brave.

You’re brave for giving someone your all regardless of what you’re getting in return, you’re brave for making someone feel wanted without letting your pride get in the way, you’re brave for declaring your love to someone in every possible way without feeling bad about it and you’re brave for loving even when your heart was bleeding.

And I know you moved on and I know you love her now but if you ever feel like you weren’t good enough for me, I want to let you know that you were more than enough for me, that maybe I was the one who was too dumb to realize what I had. Maybe I was just selfish, immature and inexperienced.

Maybe I thought I’d meet more people like you only to realize that people like you don’t come around very often. That once you let them go, they’re gone forever.

So I hope you’re happy and I hope you know that when my world gets dark and grey, I remember your love and it saves me.  TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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