I’ll Be, For Myself, Everything You Couldn’t Be

 Allegra Messina
Allegra Messina

I’ll wake up and tell myself that I’m beautiful and that I can handle anything that comes my way at work or in life. I’ll wake up and tell myself that my work is important, that what I do matters — that I matter — and that I have to keep going no matter what.

I’ll give myself pep talks and try to make myself laugh when I’m feeling down. I’ll take myself on dates and bring myself my favorite food. I’ll make sure to listen to me; really listen to my thoughts and see how I can help myself become better or how can I ease some of the pressure off.

I’ll take care of myself, I won’t neglect anything that has to do with my well-being and I won’t neglect anything that has to do with my heart.

Because the truth is there’s nothing you could’ve done for me that I couldn’t do for myself but I wanted you to take the lead for a change, I wanted you to step up and say I know you could do it, but I want to do it for you, I wanted you to make me feel less alone, to make me feel that someone out there cares about me as much as I care about myself – if not more.

And I think what hurts is that I saw be that person to other people but not that person to me, I saw you capable of providing others with everything I needed from you and it’s when I realized that I don’t need you and I can’t need you because you won’t be there.

I think that’s the most important lesson you learn when you fall for the wrong person, that you could be everything you want to yourself if you really had to and that sometimes you’re the only person you can really count on.

You’re the only person who’s not going to leave you and the love you give yourself is the one that really matters and it’s the one that’s going to stick around.

So this is my vow to myself, I promise I’ll always be there for me, I promise to be kinder to myself when I start doubting my existence, I promise to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and cater to them and I promise that, as long as I live, I’ll always love myself, even when it’s hard, even when I’m being difficult, even when I’m not perfect and even if no one else loves me.

I’ll never give up on myself, I’ll always see the best in me, and I’ll always give myself another chance, I’ll always forgive myself and start over and I’ll always be proud of myself and the battles I’ve fought. I’ll be my forever, I’ll be there through thick and thin.

I finally realized that what I’ve been looking for was already in me, it just took you not seeing it for me to see it.

I’ll be everything I needed, I’ll be everything I wished for. I’ll be the person you couldn’t be to me and I’ll be the person I could’ve been to you if you hadn’t walked away.  TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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