When loneliness becomes your friend, you don’t look for other friends. You don’t try too hard to get out of it, you don’t even know if you want to get out of it because it’s safe, it feels comfortable, nothing really happens here, you don’t have to deal with people betraying you or people letting you down and you don’t really have something to fear anymore.
You’ve already lived your worst nightmare, you’ve already befriended your biggest fear.
When loneliness becomes your friend, you don’t know what to expect from the world anymore. You don’t know how to get back out there because last time you did, it disappointed you and last time you did, it kicked you out. So you go back to being by yourself, being who you are without people judging you or asking you to be someone else, you go back to the place that never asked you to change and the place that always has room for you.
When loneliness becomes your friend, you don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse. You know that it’s better than hating it because it seems like a constant in your life, it seems like it’s here to stay but you also wonder if this comfort is stopping you from seeing what’s out of there, from being part of the world and from living. You miss going on adventures and taking more risks and getting bruises and scars from all the mistakes and all the heartbreaks. Because sometimes it feels like you’re not really living, sometimes it feels like nothing good will come out of this.
But here’s the thing about loneliness, it could feel like the safest place on earth but on some nights, it feels like hell, it feels like the most dangerous place you could ever be in and sometimes it feels like you’re in prison.
Because when loneliness becomes your friend, you forget its flaws, you forget how it could harm you or hurt you.
You just look at the good side, you try to accept it because you’re a good friend but you have to understand that loneliness doesn’t really have any friends and doesn’t even know how to be one. When loneliness becomes your friend, you’re the only one who can decide if this is a friendship worth keeping or if you’re better off without it.
Because if you can make loneliness your friend, you can make the world your friend too — you just have to try a little harder.