The truth is you want to be loved and you want to love again. The truth is you think about it a lot more than you admit. The truth is you’re lonely without it and you feel like something is missing. The truth is you thought about people you used to love and maybe you miss them but you don’t want to let them know because what’s the point? They hurt you.
The truth is you’re not afraid of love, you’re afraid of heartbreak.
You’re not afraid of texting someone first or calling them, you’re afraid they won’t respond.
You’re not afraid of saying I miss you, you just don’t think the other person cares to know.
You’re not afraid of falling in love and feeling all the highs that come with it, you’re afraid of it ending, you’re afraid of another temporary high that leads to a permanent fall. You’re afraid of what happens after the fall — especially if you’re the only one who fell.
The truth is you think about love a lot more lately, wondering what went wrong, wondering if it’s you or the choices you make, wondering if it’s just fate or something deeper you need to fix and you keep wondering why you always somehow end things before they even begin.
And it’s because you’re scared of breaking your own heart because then there’s no one to blame and there’s no one to hate — it was all you. You’re the one who handed your heart to someone who broke it and you’re the one who loved someone who couldn’t love you back.
So you claim to be over it, you claim that you don’t see it the cards for you anytime soon because you have better things to do and bigger things to worry about it, you claim that you’ll wait for the right one because you have a tendency to fall for the wrong ones.
But when you’ve been falling for the wrong ones all your life, you won’t be able to recognize the right one.
Because you’ll always wonder if that’s another lie, if that’s another game, if there’s someone else they’re trying to forget, if you’re just a rebound and if it’s only a matter of time before they forget you and find someone else.
So you sabotage your relationship with the people you like because you’re scared to love again, but you’re not scared of love, you’re scared of heartbreak, you don’t want to be alone, you just don’t want to be with the wrong person again.
The irony of love though, is that it still breaks your heart even when you’re single.
Loneliness breaks your heart, the past breaks your heart, reminders break your heart and memories break your heart.
Moral of the story: you can’t escape heartbreak even when you do everything you can to avoid it.
And that’s why maybe you should just keep falling in love with those who move your heart because one of those days, it will not end in heartbreak and one of those days love won’t scare you because it will feel like the safest place on earth and one of those days, it will feel like home.