I Wonder If I’ll Ever Stop Waiting For Your Call

I don’t know why when something good or bad happens to me, I always think that this will be the day you’ll call. This will be the day you’ll finally cave in and say hello. This will be the day you put all your pride and excuses aside and finally tell me that you were worried about me or that you’re happy for me or maybe you’ll call just because you miss me.

But you never do.

I keep telling myself that it’s time for me to understand that you never will, that I’m probably the last thing on your mind but I don’t know why my heart won’t let me believe that, it won’t let me paint you as the guy who doesn’t care, or the jerk who only cares about himself, if anything, it still paints you as the good guy, the guy with a kind heart, the one who once really cared about me.

But every time you don’t call, I ask myself why? What’s stopping you? What is it about calling that makes you so afraid? Why don’t you want to hear my voice?

Because I know I want to hear yours even if it’s going to bring back all the memories I tried so hard to forget. I know I want to talk to you even if it’s going to make it harder for me to talk to anyone else and I want to know that you still care even if nothing ever happens between us. I just want to know that you’ll be there for me when I need you — as a friend or more — it doesn’t really matter. I just want to know I can count on you because that was your promise to me.

You promised you’ll always be there and you’re not the kind of man who breaks his promises — at least not with me.

But then I remember that promises can be broken when all I get from you is your silence, when all I can feel is your absence.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop waiting for your call, but I know that on some nights, I can’t help but wonder if you will and maybe one of those nights you’ll prove me right and call or maybe I’ll just get tired of pretending to be tough and strong and I’ll be the one to call you.