Part Of Me Will Always Wonder What Could Have Been

Part of me will always wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t said too much too soon, if I’d played it cool for a little longer, if I’d controlled my emotions the way you did, if I had just waited a few weeks before telling you how I felt. Maybe I could’ve made you stay.

Part of me will always wonder if it was truly me or if someone else was in the picture, was she an ex or a new fling? Was she my replacement or was I hers? Could she have loved you the way I wanted to?

Part of me will always wonder why you picked her, why she pulled you closer and I pushed you away. Maybe I would’ve tried harder if I’d known it was a competition.

Part of me will always wonder how it’s possible to fake the way you looked at me, how your eyes were the most truthful liars I’ve ever met, how you could look at someone like that and not feel anything. They say your eyes are the window to your soul and I could’ve sworn I’ve seen your soul, I’ve seen your heart, part of me will always wonder how the hell I fell in love with you that night if I hadn’t seen your heart — if I hadn’t felt it. Maybe it would’ve been easier to hate you if I hadn’t seen right through you.

Part of me will always wonder if it was just me, if it was all my head, if whatever we had was nothing but my imagination or a dream that felt so real. Part of me will always wonder what happened to you, why you turned into someone you’re not, why you brutally rejected someone’s love and why you stopped yourself from falling. Maybe I could’ve been everything you were looking for.

Part of me will always wonder what we could have been, what we could have had, part of me will always wish to turn back time so I could do things differently, so I could do things right.

But that’s only a part of me, it’s not who I am.

That’s the part of me that wishes, the part that romanticizes the past, the part that will recreate scenes from a romantic movie with you, the part of me that dreams, the part that sometimes goes against all logic and believes in the impossible, the part that will always believe in mad love.

This part is for the days I think of you and for the nights I miss you. This part is for me to hold but not for you to touch. This is the part that will always be sorry that we never had our chance but will never apologize for it.