We desire to be loved but we’re not willing to give that kind of love to anyone. We do everything to alienate the ones we love because we’ve been told that showing love is weakness, that vulnerability is uncool and that rejection means that there’s something wrong with us.
Yet we keep on looking for real love when we can’t even be real with ourselves.
We say we want honesty but we swim in a sea of excuses for our pretenses, we find a million reasons not to be honest and we’re always sugarcoating the truth. We are intimidated by those who are honest with us, by those who come to us with transparency and we call them ‘crazy’ or ‘non-chill’ because they don’t play games, because they say what’s on their mind and because they don’t fit in the so-called social etiquette of feeling one thing and saying another.
We say we want happiness but we cling to the things that hurt us and we always want to get even, so we give in to anger, to bitterness, to resentment because we’re told that that’s how we gain respect, that’s how we stop people from walking all over us and we’re told that being too nice is not going to get us anywhere in life, that we should always stand out, that we should always be heard even if it means losing our voice along the way.
We say we want to love ourselves yet we’re always too hard on ourselves, we’re always looking externally for validation, we’re always comparing. We take home our failures instead of our success, we take home the mean things people tell us and forget the kind things they do and we sleep with the self-loathing voices in our heads instead of forgiving ourselves and hoping for a better tomorrow.
We’re always contradicting ourselves but we want consistency, we’re always at war with ourselves but we want peace, we’re too hard on ourselves but we ask for kindness and we expect to find real love when we can’t even tell someone how we truly feel.
Have we become so accustomed to the chaotic way of living that we subconsciously seek chaos? Are we now addicted to the pain of messy relationships, unattended feelings, dissatisfaction and sadness?
We say we miss the old days but we’re not doing anything to bring them back, we say this generation is doomed yet we’re participating in everything we hate about it and we preach about loving ourselves when we’re really only destroying the best in us.