Every morning when I’m walking, I think of you. I think of how my mornings were brighter because I would call you and you would make my morning commute more tolerable because I would get lost in our conversations and I would start the day with a smile on my face.
Every afternoon when I’m getting lunch, I think of you. I think of our lunch dates together and how just seeing you for an hour would turn the craziest of days upside down and get me through another rough day. But I also remember how picky you were with your food, how you would always change something in the order and how you would always find a way to somehow make the recipe your own. I think of how you always knew what you wanted and how I always admired your confidence and your assertiveness — and how I thought you were sure about me.
Every evening when I’m walking back home, I think of you. I think of the many times we held hands as we were walking and talking about our day. You would tell me about the crazy meeting you had and I would tell you about the drama that was going on with our friends and even though we could talk for hours about nothing, to me, it was everything.
Just the fact that I got to share all the pointless details of my day with you made them significant. You added meaning to anything meaningless because that’s the whole point, right? Silly things make sense when you share them with the right person.
Every night when I’m going out, I think of you. I think of how going out now makes me cringe, I think of all the nice outfits I’ll waste and you won’t see them. I think of the laughter I’ll have to fake and miss our jokes and your sense of humor. I think of the nights when no matter how bad the night went, I would still have a blast because you were by my side. I think of how I rarely had a bad night with you and I think of now and how every night is another nightmare.
Every time I rest my head on the pillow, I think of you. I think of the nights I knew how to sleep because you were there, because I felt safe and I never felt alone. I remember how it never mattered how tired I was, how stressful the day was and even if the world was falling apart — I knew I had my world right in front of me, I knew that this is where I want to be at the end of the night, this is where I belong and this is what I need.
Now I can’t sleep and nothing terrifies me more than the late night news because I see the world falling apart and it reminds me how my world is falling apart too because I don’t have to you.