First let me ask you this: Are you aware that you are emotionally unavailable? Or does it only hit you when the girls you led on start falling for you?
Did you know that with every sweet message you sent her, with every nice compliment you gave her and with every romantic date you took her out on, she was getting attached?
Did you know that she started looking forward to your texts and your compliments and looking forward to seeing you?
Did you know that she opened up to you because she thought you cared, because she thought you wanted to know and because she thought you were going to stay in her life; at least for a while?
Did you know that when you told her that you’re not on the same page, she was already finishing the chapter?
Sometimes I think you know and you just don’t care because all you want to do is feed your ego not your heart. You want to know that you can make any girl fall for you but you don’t know how to fall for her the same way because that was not the purpose of talking to her. It was about you; you wanted to feel good about yourself and you had something to prove to yourself.
It was a game for you; a game you only wanted to win, a game you got so good at that it’s become second nature to you and a game you didn’t want to replay once it was over because you were so busy looking for the next one.
And sometimes I think you don’t know, I think you want to believe that you are available but once it gets to a point where you have to make a decision, you realize that you are not. And I like to believe that you feel bad about it, that you feel guilty about hurting other people; people who cared about you and that you are trying hard to understand where the problem is so you can fix it.
I want to believe that you are looking for love too but you just don’t know how to get over your fears, your insecurities and you don’t want anyone to get in the way of your plans and your dreams. I really want to believe that. I want to believe that emotionally unavailable is another term for lost not another term for heart breaker.
But whether you know it or not; my question remains why? Why get yourself into something you’re unsure of and hurt someone else along the way? Why try to win someone over when you’re still not over the one you lost?
Why take someone on a ride when you don’t know where you’re going? Why would you convince someone to jump off a cliff when you’re the one who is afraid of falling? Why open someone’s heart when yours is breaking?
I wonder if you ask yourself these questions and if you found the answers. I would suggest you keep trying to find these answers away from people’s hearts, find your reasons away from people’s feelings and find your pleasure away from someone else’s pain.
Because if you can be honest with yourself, you will be honest with her and if you can be honest with yourself, you will know that she deserves someone who is ready to give her what she really deserves and you wouldn’t have even tried.
But don’t keep trying if you’re not ready, don’t keep trying because you’re lonely and don’t keep trying if you know that you will end up breaking her heart and don’t keep trying to make someone love you when you don’t know what love is.