I was a private person when it came to my relationships.
Except that one time…
That one time when my emotions became so uncontrollable that the only way I thought I would feel sane was to share them.
As I sat there, sharing my recent relationship problems with my longtime close friend, little did I know what a big mistake I was making. That’s what happens when we let our emotions control us.
That is not to say there won’t be times when we will need to talk to someone, when we need guidance, when we need help to prevent self-destruction. If you go through those times and believe talking to someone will help, please do so.
This is just my story.
The words kept rolling off my tongue. I shared everything, including problems that did not need to be shared. Those problems that I would not dare tell anyone, those problems that I truly believe should stay within a relationship.
But that is beside the point. The point is I let someone in on my private life, which I truly regret.
And, as much as I might not have felt like it in that very moment, I know I would have been fine on my own.
By sharing my problems, it did not leave me in a better or worse mental state.
So, what did it do?
It exposed the relationship between my boyfriend and I. It exposed our highs and lows. It exposed the cracks in a once beautiful relationship.
It allowed for the possibility of my secrets getting spread from one person to another. It allowed for someone to have pity.
And I absolutely hate being pitied.
It led the way for my friend to give me unsolicited advice, constantly making me feel like she was trying to show I was not competent to handle things on my own.
She felt the need to constantly tell me what was the best and the worst for me, which I was already well aware of.
I do not want to hear someone talk about my relationship to me.
I am not dependent on anyone.
I know what the best for me is.
I know and am capable of handling my problems on my own.
I do not want or need someone to constantly tell me all that could go wrong when I am well aware of it.
I do not need someone to tell me what I already know, as if them telling me will magically alter my situation or my feelings.
This does not mean I don’t appreciate the greatest friend I have. I know she truly cares and wishes nothing but the best.
She does not want her friend to be in pain, because she knows I deserve the absolute best. She does not want her friend to make a mistake and lose herself while fighting for a relationship that might not work out.
But I wish no one had a glimpse into the hard times I am fighting to get through.